Author Chester Burton Brown
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Author Chester Burton Brown

20050513

The Tao Of Sith


Big day. Receiving the Emperor. Ruminations on the Sith mission statement.

My master, the Dark Lord Sidious, Most Excellent Emperor of the known galaxy Palpatine, has arrived at Endor. Amid only minor pomp and circumstance he debarked from his shuttle and I escorted him to his tower where he has now retired to recuperate from his journey and align himself with the local Force.

It was he who broached the subject of Luke Skywalker. I felt his presence slither among my thoughts and I held my consciousness stock still, repulsed by his cold probe but powerless to resist him. He knows my thoughts dwell on my son. He knows I yearn to take up my post aboard Executor and resume the chase.

And yet he denied it me.

My master's thoughts are an impenetrable miasma to me now, but for a shallow gloss of ritual trivia he maintains like a wig over his true mind. It has not always been this way.

I am no fool. I know he has cast a cloud of obfuscation between us.

Does he prepare himself for death? He is ill, and I tell you this in the strictest confidence. He is gravely ill, he has confessed this to me. This is why turning Skywalker is so vital: who better to be my dark padawan, when my master has been released from this plane?

"You were conceived by the galaxy, my friend," Palpatine has told me. "You are of it, and the immaterial part of you is bound inextricably with the fate of it. Your blood carries the will of the Force, as surely as if it were written in a book."

I am indispensible to the galaxy, but my master is not. He knows this to be true and has accepted it into his heart, for the way of the Sith commands an unflinching communion with pain. "There can only be two," he has reminded me. "When destiny reveals your apprentice, I shall be slain. I am but an instrument in this affair."

And yet, I find myself wondering about my master sometimes. What kind of man did it take to covertly apprentice oneself to the Force, and then engineer a rise to total power? Beyond the guidance of the way of the Sith, what kind of a man does it take to begin such an undertaking?

About Palpatine's childhood on Naboo I know nothing. The archives have been purged. How he escaped the eyes of the Jedi examiners is a mystery. But somehow his gifts remained his secret. By Korriban he learned the way. He had the strength of spirit to look into the darkness and come away alive. By the stewardship of Plagueis he came to know the power of the dark side...

Wait a moment. Do you even know the difference between the light side and dark side of the Force?

It must be understood that the Force is, above all, singular. The so-called "sides" arise from differing matters of perspective. (If you study the way of the Sith you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend entirely on one's point of view.)

The opposite of the singular Force is the all-encompassing void of death. Time began with the Force, and will end in desolation. This is the way of things, and an inevitable consequence of the flow of events from the past into the future.

Without the inertia of the fall toward the abyss, the Force would have nowhere to go.

For in the chaotic tumble toward doom the stuff of the worlds enact loops of complexity that change the grade from life to death, introducing valleys, peaks and cycles. Between creation and destruction comes a flutter of improbability, a brief sonnet of meaning against the noise of time. Life!

It is the causal contagion that ties every ounce of us together through the network of the Force, our actions resonating against our almost-actions and our non-actions in a web of fleeting possibility that spans this galaxy and beyond. The beat of a child's heart detonates supernovae, the beat of a bug's wing tilts the orbit of worlds.

We are all connected.

Anyone who awakens to the Force knows this. The divisive issue is what to do with this knowledge.

When you can run the mechanism of the universe forward or backward, scrubbing through possible histories with a thought, a theme develops. You cannot escape it. Death, death, death. It is the final destiny of all things, great or small, matter or idea. But there is astounding beauty in the arts of the not-death, the filigree dances of life's loops as it spins from light to void. If you are human, it moves you.

It should move you. But this is what the Jedi Order denies. They preach that the heart of a beast cannot judge the destiny of a galaxy. They preach dispassion and detachment, a condescending compassion for the damned. They stand by the sidelines and watch history happen, intervening only in trivia that offends their effete sensibilities.

Every Jedi knew the cycles of civilization, and every Jedi knew an age of barbarism was nigh. And yet they did nothing.

In contrast, the way of the Sith is predicated on a love for man. We have inherited the godhead of the galaxy by colonizing its every world. Though lesser species might have flourished given infinite time, it was our kind who got there first. We have won this galaxy with thousands of generations of our blood and our dreams. We call the others "primitives" because we are their kings.

And we will not sit idly by as it all careens toward a morbid interregnum. Inspired by our passions we will act to bridge the gulf between civilizations, shortening the period of disorder by decisively maintaining connections between societies from one side of the galaxy to the other. We will weather the storm.

Hate! Love! Misery! Joy! These are paths to the dark side, for to invest in the emotional life of civilization is to care about its fate. To care is to suffer, and suffering is real.

The Jedi were mere spectators.

They jabbered amongst themselves as a committee, no one of them wielding enough power to see through my master's veil, their light resting on the shoulders of three. In contrast by the Sith way the Force is gathered and concentrated in a single individual, making him a catalyst for vision. With Jedi arts a gifted one can see the next moment -- with Sith arts a gifted one can read the decade. The Force is focused through my master so that I might by way of his preternatural alignment also brightly see the many forked face of destiny.

Because of this the Dark One traditionally exhibits a bewildering confluence of humility and potency -- the bleak peace of one who has seen the endless doom at the end of time and returned with an oath to steer life well.

Though I wonder lately about my master's humility. How long has it been since he has gazed into the naked face of the Force, and how arrogant has he become in the while? Could he scheme to live forever, as Xizor claimed? Could he truly have forgotten that the prophecy is about me?
And in the time of greatest despair there shall come a saviour, and he shall be known as the Son of the Suns.
...Unless Darth Sidious schemes to use my son in my stead. It is, I think you will agree, the only logical conclusion. There is another Skywalker, and that means I am no longer unique.

I feel my master's shadow breathing over this world. It runs far and it touches many things, but there is no thread that runs to Luke. I alone can sense him, and as I am blocked from my master's intimacy by his cloud of obfuscation my son is not included in the fatescapes my master cultivates...

There is a schism in the Force and it rolls this way like thunder.

I have a bad feeling about this.


136 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

first poster!!!!!!!!...Hi i'm ken from SINGAPORE..and you're a damned genius.

13.5.05  
Blogger Christy said...

You should dump the Emperor. He's old, ugly, and mean. I really enjoyed your interpretation of the Force. It was truly beautiful. Sigh. The Sith rock! (though I have to admit, the Jedi are cool, too). Do you remember Darth Maul from when you were a boy? Now he had SKILLS. Too bad he killed Qui Gon, though. I liked him.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Master Vader,

I appreciate and thank you for the unflinching and brutal honesty you bring to your journal.

I remain your fearful and loyal servant,

anonymous...

13.5.05  
Blogger Will said...

Truly awesome.

13.5.05  
Blogger Dave said...

I had always wondered why Vader's powers seemed less than Palpatine's, when Vader is supposed to be "THE ONE".

That, and why the stormtroopers in episode 6 aren't old and frail (after all, they've got to be in their 50's and 60's)

13.5.05  
Blogger Jen said...

My dearest Sith Lord,

I lay awake thinking of you,
Your sinister smile
And our tryst in the Dune Sea.
I remember the first time
I ran my cloaking device through
Your asteroid belt.
How dashing you looked in that
Black Cape
And those two black boots
That crushed the Rebellion in my heart.
I can’t tell you how I regret
Spilling carbonite on your helmet
You killed many Bothan spies that day.
When you said to me
“With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy”
I felt my restraining bolt melt.
Then we kissed
Our lips blasted
Like The Force.
I knew we were meant to be together.

Call me!

13.5.05  
Blogger Christy said...

I agree with Dave. Clones also age much more quickly than normal people, so they should have about 1/3 of the lifespan of a human.

13.5.05  
Blogger Christy said...

I agree with Dave. Clones also age much more quickly than normal people, so they should have about 1/3 of the lifespan of a human.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Kashif said...

It is the causal contagion that ties every ounce of us together through the network of the Force, our actions resonating against our almost-actions and our non-actions in a web of fleeting possibility that spans this galaxy and beyond. The beat of a child's heart detonates supernovae, the beat of a bug's wing tilts the orbit of worlds.

The Butterfly Effect?

13.5.05  
Blogger Darius said...

We call the others "primitives" because we are their kings, and... because, let's face it- they taste DAMN good with a nice Corellian barbecue sauce.

Ewoks, they're what's for dinner!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

some of the clone are not age inhanced and most of them are made from a new host.
that's why they sound diferent from Boba and Jango in the Holy Trilogy.

P.S. Nice Blog I thout there was no way you could wright Vader as any thing but menacing and not be to goofy than you for proveing me wrong (And not crushing my throte)

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BUSH = EMPEROR!!!! he be evil!

13.5.05  
Blogger Darth Otacon said...

I recently had a chance to watch your M&M commercial and was wondering.......do M&M actualy have tracheas?

Your partner in crime
Darth Otacon

13.5.05  
Blogger Darth Otacon said...

Democrats=Empire
THEY be evil

13.5.05  
Anonymous Darth Vader said...

Dear Anonymuse,

You are truly an inspiration to all of the hard-working spell-check coding engineers out there today.

Bles yor littul hart.

Sincerely,

D. Vader

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marvelous. Vader, your literary skills are bested only by your appalling level of hatred and evil. Terrific!

13.5.05  
Blogger BinaryGuy said...

Damn darth, you really should publish these....you could have money AND Force taken to another level!

I just so happen to know this publisher on Naboo....

13.5.05  
Blogger Billy The Kid said...

Holy Crap...
I am Sith...it all makes perfect sense now. A brilliant blog. Just brilliant.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, great posting today. Great Sith rendition of their view on the force, bring in the Journal of the Whills And the obligatory "i gotta bad feeling about this."

EXCELLENT!

13.5.05  
Anonymous no one of consequence said...

Lord Vader,

I was of the understanding that your master wasn't alone, but trained under his Sith Lord in a shroud of secrecy that extended a thousand years. In other words, the old Jedi saw that the Sith were extinct was due to their ineptitude, not due to reality. There are always two, the Sith rule says, no more, no less. A master, and an apprentice.

Please clarify. Or not.

p.s., try Ewok jerky. Very gamey taste, but good with ale.

13.5.05  
Blogger Little Miss said...

All very interesting, but a true Taoist is flexible - can you bend like the reed in the wind?

Hmmmm? Well can you?

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To bring balance to the force.

Why do som many people think that automntically means more "good".

13.5.05  
Blogger Radioactive Jam said...

What eloquence, what artistry. What fun!

I know it's been said before, but it bears repeating here: "Most impressive."

By the way...what ever happened to your old friend JarJar Binks - any ideas? Kidding!

Bottom line: thanks.

13.5.05  
Blogger Ben Adams said...

This blog is very well done. You have tons of talent.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I read the Episode III scrypt correctly, Darth Sidious say to Anakin that he had a master and that he killed him to be the Master.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darth Sidious killed Darth Plagueis to become the Sith lord but that does not detract from the blog in any way in my opinion.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear D. Vader

It is a little had to type with the fat fingers i got watching your movies all these years.

yours
Anonymuse

13.5.05  
Anonymous Hades said...

if i'm not mistaken, these clones aged as normal humanoid. This is because they were cloned from the featus and raise up like a normal baby would. Only those clones that are borned as adults will age faster.

As for the episode 6 explanation, the clones are either new batches or they age slower due to alien tech influence (they ARE the best cloners in the known galaxy).

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darth,

Any thoughts on Darth Maul. I know you were a kid when he got sliced in half, but what about that dude's background. You going to give us any history you have learned (since Lucas just grabbed him out of thin air for a battle and then had him cut in half).

13.5.05  
Anonymous an adoring fan said...

Lord Vader:

breath-taking post. I've read them all, but this one is by far the best.

13.5.05  
Blogger Alena said...

Hello and good morning to you, Lord Vader,

Your blog is awesome. And I really do mean that in the original sense of the word, awe-some.


Your ever adoring fan,
-Alena
PS You never did get to answer my question on what you'd do as ruler of the galaxy... ^_^

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We are all connected."
Vader, I knew you were Canadian at heart, but it is sad that you are you a fan of those horrible Bell Canada commercials. Good god, this sappy sentimentality is not becoming of a follower of the Sith. Next thing you know, you'll be espousing universal health care for all the clones.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darth,

Any thoughts on Darth Maul. I know you were a kid when he got sliced in half, but what about that dude's background. You going to give us any history you have learned (since Lucas just grabbed him out of thin air for a battle and then had him cut in half).

13.5.05  
Blogger Libertarian Cynic said...

Since they're clones, you only have to have one insurance card for them, so universal healthcare won't be that hard. I mean, even if they do a DNA test to prove identity - same guy. Right?

13.5.05  
Anonymous Sabre said...

OK, a comment about this "there are always two..." stuff.

It's complete hogwash.

Why? Because its demonstratably so from the start. Who are the Sith we know about at the start of the fall of Jedi? Sidious, Maul....and Tyrannus (Dooku)! And given the long-term nature of Sidious' plan, Tyrannus had to be Sith long before Maul appeared on the scene....

That's 3. And Tyrannus refers to Sidious as "Master" which implies that he is also Sidious' apprentice....or at least subordinate. So we have a master, and two apprentices.

So obviously there is a problem here. Where did this "Always two..." bit come from? Did the Jedi assume it? Did they "learn" so from the Sith? (Believing what an opponent tells you? How quaint!)

Or is this more than simple mathematics, but is in fact a statement on how the Sith operate - the apprentice in front, the master behind, in the shadows?

Your comments, Lord Vader, would help to illuminate this matter for us all.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Darth Vadeer said...

Dear Sabre,

The rule of two dates back to the days of Darth Bane, when backroom power grabs sabotaged the Sith movement from within.

Darth Tyrannus was approached by Sidious shortly after the fall of Maul. As a headstrong and idealistic Jedi frustrated by years of conflict with the Council, Sidious knew Tyrannus was then in a state ripe for induction into the Sith (though Sidious had been watching him for a great many years, of course).

However, you do put your finger on a critical issue: for now there is the potential for there to be three dark gifted ones -- Darth Sidious, Darth Vader, and Darth Skywalker.

One of us must die. If my master is true to Bane it shall be him, and then Skywalker and I shall be the two.

I hope this sheds some light on things.

Sincerely,

D. Vader

13.5.05  
Blogger SoulJah said...

Could Maul be Dooku's apprentice? And Dooku was once under Sidious apprenticeship? Would it not be customary to call your once "Master" as "Master" still? And 'offloaded' him into a Master in anticipation of the great dark knight?

There was also another character from the Clone Wars animated series of another Sith, but he/she/it died right at the end of the series in Anakin's hand and never did get an apprenticeship under Dooku.

But I digress...

This entry was exceptional. I anticipate your entries every day. Keep up the good work.

p/s: Does Maul appear to you ghostlike in half?

13.5.05  
Anonymous Darth Lucas said...

Done well, you have here

Nice job turning Obi Wannabe's words back on himself, and channeling the spirit of OS so prevalent in the films.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only two....yeah right...and Mara Jade was the only Emperor's Hand......The emperor has done nothing but lie to everyone since the beginning, deceptive bastard that he is......

13.5.05  
Anonymous grape said...

Dear Darth Vader, I think you just like the look of your own typing.

13.5.05  
Blogger Der Gelehrte said...

First time here. This is bloody awesome man! MTFBWY

13.5.05  
Blogger Der Gelehrte said...

First time here. Bloody awesome man!! MTFBWY

13.5.05  
Blogger javafoofoo said...

Lord Vadar,

Your eloquence has just brought me over to the dark side. Thank-you for teaching us the passion that is behind it.

Forever a servant,
javafoofoo

13.5.05  
Anonymous Dr. Phil said...

Darth, Darth, Darth...

I see you here, whining... "The Emporer is holding me back", "I cut off my son's hand", "I miss my Mommy"! Well, I'll tell you, It's not all about you! You have to smell the Force you're shoveling, get off your Bantha and look inside yourself! You abandoned your Mom, you abandoned your wife and son, and you're ready to abandon the Emperor.

You clearly have committment issues, and you need to ask yourself why? Was mean old Wattoo mean to iddy biddy widdle Ani? Get over it, Man. You're supposedly this "Dark Lord", but you run around in a big dress, crying like a little baby. And what's your solution when someone makes you angry? Trachea Crushing? Some kinda Sithy "Shut the hell up?" You just can't stand to hear criticism, can you?

You need to get in touch with those around you and stick to a plan, Boy.

And eating Ewoks? Those little critters are chock full of fat, and not good for your figure.

Dr. Phil

Next week on Dr. Phil: Are light sabers really just extensions of one's manhood?

13.5.05  
Blogger Adam E. Robinson said...

Isorion, Magus Maleficus of Planet Earth, would like you to know that your future is, in a word, bleak.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

{Inter-Departmental Memo. Forwarded to the New Republic Intelligence Services}

From: New Republic Office of Immemorable Memorabilia

To: Concerned Citizens of the Galaxy everywhere

To Whom it May Concern,

It has come to our attention here in the analysis department that it is extremely possible to be thoroughly confused by the inordinately long life spans of the the Clone Army. In point of fact, They didn't have that long of a life span at all. Due to some factor beyond our understanding (see historical documents titled "Dark Force Rising Trilogy") the clone armies became unstable after a couple of years. In many cases, whole batallions were euthanized iot prevent them from going insane, and turning on their own chains of command.

We at the NROIM are more than happy to provide this bit of information. (And humbly request a review of the current appropriations for our work, which totaled 100 Gallactic Credits last year alone.)

{Signed}
A Concerned Party

13.5.05  
Anonymous Pix-Ma Daoa said...

Darth Vader, Sith Lord
Death Star 2 (aka Death Star 4)
c/o Imperial Navy

Lord Vader,

In preparing to upgrade the Human Resources Benefits System (HRBS), we’ve been reviewing our files and have noticed some inconsistencies in your life insurance information. Please provide updates to the following sections which require clarification.

1) Choice of self-image of your Jedi-spirit (aka “ghost”) – only one choice is allowed.

Currently we have two different choices on file:

a) Present-day (“mature”) look without cybernetics or suit

b) younger pre-cybernetics look (circa the Clone War)

Other possibilities:

c) Present-day (“mature”) look with all cybernetics & black suit

d) look from some other time period – please specify __________________

2) Choice of beneficiary/ies – multiple choices allowed (specify percentage to each if more than one is chosen):

Currently:

a) Imperial Clone Benevolent Fund

Legal Requirement:

b) We’ve been notified by Tatooine Public Aid that you have a son (Luke Skywalker) whom you must provide for

Other possibilities:

c) other(s) – please specify names
__________________________
__________________________

Please respond ASAP. I have a bad feeling about this.

Sincerely,
Pix-Ma Daoa
HRBS Specialist Grade VII
Imperial Human Resources

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Additionally, new storm troopers were/are being recruited and trained. there is a stormtrooper academy on Carida, for example.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord Vader,

Do you have any reminiscences of the late Moff Tarkin to share? He is the only man we've seen with whom you seemed to share a peer relationship.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Xur said...

Great job on the blog, and very well put, but there seems to be a fundamental problem with the whole Sith philosophy.

How can you reconcile the high notion that "the way of the Sith is predicated on a love for man" with your casual disregard for men on a more base level, as evidenced by your wanton murder of anyone who suffers to displease you in the smallest of matters, or even simply to be in your presence at the wrong time?

Can you not see a vast disconnect between your ideals and your actions? Do you not find the premise of your philosophy (love for all) and the manner in which it manifests itself (destruction, murder, crushing tracheas, lopping off limbs, etc.) to be fundamentally contradictory?

13.5.05  
Anonymous Gianetta said...

A very insightful post, but I'm still hoping for pictures from the picnic!

BTW - this work stuff seems to be having a pretty bad effect on you. Have you considered looking for another job? I can send your resume around and make a few calls if you decide this Emperor thing isn't working out.

*hug*

Gianetta

13.5.05  
Blogger Smack said...

I love this blog. I've been telling my friends about it. Great stuff!

13.5.05  
Anonymous TheCatWhisperer said...

Lord Vader,

Ever thought of putting this blog in book form and elaborating/expanding on the posts? I think it would do quite well on the Galactic Best Sellers List.

Sincerely,
Your Loyal Servant,
The Cat Whisperer

13.5.05  
Anonymous Haplo said...

Again I find your writings very influenced by Asimov's Foundations, not that is bad, not at all.

Thanks for the nice reading

13.5.05  
Anonymous ThirdDay said...

Thank you,
for being the most committed, expressive blogger, i have read in a long time. ive been following this for a few weeks and i thoroughly enjoy your posts
but this one just sang to me, when you described the Force.

Truly, gifted.

13.5.05  
Blogger John said...

Cheesus Cracker Darth, could you get on a more philosophical rant? Let me give you a few words of advice: Ditch the old guy and go with the dark deeds with your son. The Emperor knows your thoughts, so go for it. He has his own plan to eliminate you and use your son as his new sidekick of evil. You know it, Palpatine knows this and, in a Force-like way, your son knows it too. Show some scrote and get it done!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

re:stormtroopers

Or, you know, maybe they're just regular Joes at this point who've been recruited.

the whole point of using the clone army was that the republic didn't have an army at the time. once the clone army got the ball rolling, normal recruiting could pick up the slack and continue on.

E

13.5.05  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Fantastic.
I've had the 'Darth Vader' thems stuck im my head all day, and I do believe it is your fault. :P
da da du dada du dada duuu.... *sigh*

PS- Does your cloak ever get caught on things when you walk? Just wondering.

PPS So glad to see you worked in 'I have a bad feeling about this' in there. Especially on Friday the 13th. Ha!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Yoda said...

Of perspectives and connectedness you speak? Twisted by the dark side you have become. Unfortunate this is. Living in a dream world you are. Within your cloak many fire ants you deserve.

Possibly thinking what you were? So cranky making me you have been. To take a nap I am going, before kicking you in the helmet I am.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In reply to dave in the fourth comment about Vader's power. Remember the emporor is much older than vader. Also, Vader saw what the dark side did to Sidious. Vader is being very careful in using the dark side. He uses just enough to do what he needs to do, this keeps him from aging and decaying like the emperor. He wishes to master the dark side so he won't have the ill effects of it.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very clever. Who knew Vader had such wit and depth? Impressive.

Thank you for bringing the SW universe just a bit closer to us all.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no Dark Side of the Force. As a matter of fact, it's all dark.

Cheers,

Syd

13.5.05  
Anonymous RipleyBSX said...

Everyone keeps talking about this "rule of Two" for the Sith. What if it's not actually true? Yoda mentioned it at the end of "Phantom Menace", but that may merely be the Jedi perspective on it, since the Sith haven't been seen in a thousand years.

In addition, that is a rule they set up for themselves, as clearly stated. A Jedi Master cannot have more than one Padawan at a time. It would be natural for the assumption to be that the Sith would hold to that as well, be I don't see any need for them to do so. If they don't hold to the same viewpoint as the Jedi, why adopt their training structure?

BTW, love the diary. It offers a good inside perspective on your motivations.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Yoda said...

Speak like old Hewlett Packard calculator do I. My syntax In Reverse Polish Notation is.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xur:

overall love for Life (with a capital 'L') does not preclude hatred and infuration with one particular expression of possibility and life (with a small 'l').

In short, loving humanity doesn't mean you can't despise one person.

E

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think George Lucas said at one interview that you can find as extra at the Star Wars dvds that the Stormtroopers are Fett clones. George Lucas give the example one scene at A New Hope where a stormtrooper make the same move to fix the mask that Boba Fett made (to be true, they were both the same stunt....).

The information about a stormtrooper academy at Carida is from the Expanded universe. As rule, when the Expanded Universe information contradicts the movies (and George Lucas comments) the better to do is forgot the Expanded Universe info.

So... the Stormtroopers that Luke Skywalker slice with the lightsaber are officially Fett clones...

13.5.05  
Blogger Elisa said...

Dear Lord Vader,

Would you please clarify the following. In the Earth chronicles of your achievements, the one entitled Episode VI (which hasn't happened yet, but chalk that up to relativity and time dilation so we here on Earth kind of know what happens...), you appear, towards the end of the chronicle, as a middle aged man with black hair (I'm not speaking of the corrupted "digitally remastered" and revised chronicle, but the original).

However, in the first volume (Episode I) of the aforementioned chronicles, you appear as a boy with blond hair.

Now, given that as a boy you were pure and innocent, and as an adult you're the dark and evil person we all know and love, would it be fair to conclude, that evil people have black hair, good people have blond hair, and your hair color changed when you turned to the dark side to reflect this scientific and inevitable fact?

Cordially I remain,

-One of your biggest fans.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Darth Vader said...

Dear Xur,

If you want to make an omelette, you have to crack a few eggs.

Sincerely,

D. Vader

13.5.05  
Anonymous Darth Vader said...

Dear all,

It has come to my attention that not all of our loyal legions of stormtroopers are clones.

My mistake...they all look alike to me.

Sincerely,

D. Vader

13.5.05  
Blogger Matt G said...

Quite seriously this is a brilliant blog.

Is there a blogger awards, I nominate this blog for a Blogscar!!!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you even get the chances, you want to sneak off to the Core. There's a world there called Byss. Your master is creating clones that he can transfer soul into before he dies. He has no intention at all of giving up his position so that you and Luke can be the master and apprentice. If you ever want to defeat Sidious and take his place, I suggest destroying those cloning facilities.

13.5.05  
Blogger Lord Runolfr said...

"There is a schism in the Force, and it rolls this way like thunder."

Eloquent and chilling.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Lorelai said...

Lord Vader you have been brainwashed by your Master, as you will likely see. Your anger and hatred for the Jedis has blinded you to truth and "replacement truth" has been put inside your head...stuff you have chosen to believe. Is there another Skywalker out there? Frightening thought it should be to you (great, I'm talking like Yoda now) for what happens should you meet another...Skywalker?

You are in a frightening position right now....and fear is part of the Dark side.

13.5.05  
Blogger Pirate Cap'n Spazz said...

Lovely description of the Force, m'lord. I believe it to be true, that there is no Light or Dark side, and that the Jedi just sit and watch unless they are threatened. I used to be on the fence about whether or not I support the Rebels or the Empire, but I noe whole heartedly support the Empire.

13.5.05  
Blogger Hoka-shay-honaqut said...

"...bad feeling about this"
hehe :-)

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord Vader,

A little tidbit to help matters with the cackling freak. That thing he does with the lightning? Saw him do it in a nightclub one night while picking up Hutt chicks. (Yeah. I know. Grossed me out, too.) He doesn't use the Force. He rubs his shoes against a strategically-placed carpet. It's mostly light and an annoying jolt, but he has to concentrate really hard to make it work. I suggest throwing the old geezer down an energy shaft while he's doing it. Never know what hit him.

Sincerely,

The man behind the curtain

13.5.05  
Blogger American Bad OZ said...

The tightness in my trachea has subsided.

Thanks.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord Vader,

I think you are all wrong about this "death" thing. Remember what Obi-Wan told you right before you offed him. He said that if you struck him down, he should become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Now, that's got to be a big plus, dontcha think?

So I wouldn't worry about things too much. Death isn't the "meaningless void" you think it is. Trust me, you can return after death just like Obi-Wan and Yoda have, er, will.

Your friend,
Al

13.5.05  
Anonymous Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

Lord Vader,

Your time is coming an end. Sidiuos too. I have foreseen it. I warned you a while back that Luke would be your undoing.

Mark my words.

Your Master Tormentor,

Obi-Wan Kenobi

13.5.05  
Blogger Chris W. said...

Prophesy is a true gift to see the myriad possibilities of future events. A great tool, it can also be a great weapon, for knowledge is power. However, it is almost never cut-and-dried truth, and therefore subject to interpretation. Because of this, one can never be too sure of the future and one's role in it.

I feel that Vader is part of the prophesy, but instrumental in fulfilling the whole. His son is the other part. Together, it completes the cycle of balance in the force.

You go, man!

13.5.05  
Blogger Nic said...

Wow, Darth having a mellow, introspective moment. Is this one for the record books.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Kyra said...

"There is a schism in the Force and it rolls this way like thunder.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

LOVELY imagery. Yes, something's coming. Enjoy your destiny, Darth. Love you. And thanks.
--Kyra

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord Vader,

Your eloquence cannot go unremarked. Amazing!

Sincerely,
An Avid Fan

13.5.05  
Anonymous Rei said...

If you study the way of the Sith you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend entirely on one's point of view.

Brilliant. Truly brilliant ;)

13.5.05  
Anonymous Dr. Romay said...

(deep sigh)...

Why, oh, why, dearest Anakin, did you never have a pupil...?

There is no doubt that in every evil person's heart there is the absolute certainty that he is doing not only good... but what's best...

There is no stronger motivation than the conviction of doing true, true good.

Dr. C. Romay

13.5.05  
Blogger THE blondest banana said...

i have another thing to say about genius but u wuldnt understand

13.5.05  
Anonymous Bocephus Clevenger said...

To the author:

Very insightful writing on the Force; it's obvious you've read a lot about religion and philosophy. Your comments on suffering suggest you've studied Buddhism. Odd that we can wax so philosophical about some stupid idea that a weird, flannel-wearing goofball made up, but it's very nice the insight you have. No one has described the Sith so well as I've read here, you've interacted with Lucas's original ideas well by being familiar with them.

Anyway...this is about the funniest parody I've ever come across - I like the whole left-leg drama. How do you sleep at night knowing how cool you are? lol

13.5.05  
Anonymous Dr. Romay said...

Hey, Chris...

"Prophecy is a true gift to see the myriad possibilities of future events. A great tool, it can also be a great weapon, for knowledge is power. However, it is almost never cut-and-dried truth, and therefore subject to interpretation. Because of this, one can never be too sure of the future and one's role in it."

Please, please, please... *do* read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series...

Trust me.



Dr. C. Romay

13.5.05  
Anonymous Dr. Romay said...

...or if you wanna play on and on (even months afterwards) with the two-sidedness of words and meanings from prophecies you were sure you had right --but were suddenly proven utterly wrong--, try Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series... especially books 1, 2 and 4...

Dr. C. Romay

13.5.05  
Anonymous marciamarciamarcia said...

Dear Lord Vader,

I've got a little question about the official Sith naming strategy.

Why is it that everybody but you gets a Darth name that refers to some ostensibly bad emotion/action? I mean, you've got Darth Sidious (as in "insidious," I assume) and then the even-more-obviously named Darths Maul and Tyrannus.

But where's the Vader come from? Why do you have a cool, name-sounding name, rather than a designation (like Darth Viper or something)?

And doesn't the tradition of taking on names that denote some aspect of your character fly in the face of Sith ideals of subtelty and cunning?

Just wondering.

And, love the site...I've been a big fan since preschool,

Marciamarciamarcia

13.5.05  
Blogger Uesha Maul said...

Damn there are a lot of posts here today. Excellent as usual Lord Vader. Msny people have seen the Sith as evil hopefully your writings can curb most of those thoughts

Your Loyal Servant,
Darth Nexus

13.5.05  
Anonymous NanuNanu said...

Great job on this blog. Your inner thoughts are most fascinating and disturbing at the same time. Who knew you had so many sides. In response to the Darth "Vader" question, perhaps,like Sidious/Insidious, it is Vader/Invader. Just a thought! Keep on bloggin'!

13.5.05  
Blogger Sphynx said...

Ow... just something I wanted to say, yet before May 19:

Lord Vader... RIIISE! u.u

13.5.05  
Anonymous Obi-Wan said...

Child,

the Sith see probabilities and seek to fulfull them as prophecies--just as we do. But no Sith has ever seen his fall until it was too late, as he looked up a dark tunnel from the nether regions, swallowed into a final darkness that awaits all practitioners of Dark powers. A darkness outside of the Force, a hellish separation from the power you try to conquer instead of channel. It has been the dream of the Sith to rule in darkness for millenia--but it remains a dream never fully realized, just as the dream of the Jedi for a peaceful galaxy will remain forever unrealized. The nature of the force is ebb and flow. You can try to impose your sadistic brand of order as much as you like, but you will never succeed. Sidious doesn't wield a fraction of the power of the ancient Sith lords, and yet none of them remained in power for long.

You, who would rule the Force, and rule the galaxy with the Force, who cannot even control your emotions about your Son.

You, who do not know yourself, and who therefore cannot control yourself.

And that is why you have always been someone's Padawan. That is why Sidious pulls your marionette strings with such ease.

Palpatine has no intention of allowing you or Luke to usurp his power. He is merely playing you for the fool so that Luke may become his new padawan. You have been manipulated your entire life: first, by myself and the counsel, manipulated in a quest of hubris to allow you to fulfill our own interpretation of the prophecy. Then, by a darker power, in order to fulfill his destiny: the destiny of a tyrant. A temporary tyrant, and not the last one before the end of time.

When you proved unable to best me in single combat, you wrote your fate in the stars, as far as Sidious is concerned. He now sees your progeny as the Chosen One and you as nothing more than a tool that loses value as the probability of turning your son rises. If neither of your progeny (oh, so you didn't know?) pans out as the next pawn in Sidious' game, then you will live, for a time...

And that is the best you can hope for, unless you forsake your path. It's not too late, you know.

13.5.05  
Blogger Sphynx said...

Oops!

*stole Sidious' speech*
(hope he does not mind)

13.5.05  
Blogger The Dung Beetle said...

Wow... I request the honor of adding Lord Vader to my bloglet list.

Clearly, I am unworthy, but still... I pray that Lord Vader makes an exception... just this once.

13.5.05  
Anonymous George said...

Stop making me look bad!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Johsan Canew said...

My recently unesteemed Lord Vader:

I am sorely disappointed in you. I thought you and your agent, Geo-Luc of the planet Mendocino, had more than enough money. Have you squandered your earnings?

I tolerated your ad for M&M candy since you displayed your mastery of the force by crushing that darned talking candy's trachea That must have been really difficult). I tolerated seeing you standing around in the ringtones commercial, since you don't do much there. BUT ENOUGH!

Now you prostitute yourself in a Burger King commercial. You knock on a slcaker's door and pretend to be his father or his uncle just so that you can get your hands on his winning ticket. He even sllams the door in your face! That's just demeaning and not up to the standards of a truly nasty villain who calls himself amonster and intends to rule the galaxy. Now no one will fear you.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

vader your a pansy.
seriously.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Wedge Antilles said...

Dear Mr. Vader,

Just wanted to drop a note that, for some reason, neither you nor any of your clumsy pilots can seem to hit the target, and I don't evne have any fabulous force powers. HA!

Sincerely,

Wedge Antilles
Kick Ass Pilot


P.S. Why are ST's such lousy shots too?


P.P.S. Great Blog.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes! you should definately read the Wheel of Time series!!!

13.5.05  
Blogger Karmathreefold said...

This is the greatest blog i have ever read and just to justify my point it is 12:56am and i am reading this and loving every minute of it. pls dont stop after the movie comes out i heard a rumor that you are only doing the inbetween/background between episodes II and III....keep going dude you rock....by the way did you used to be in the army? ur writing style reminds me of a friend i used to be stationed with that was a star wars fanatic...we even played the role playing game with the dice at lunch!!! i got to design my own light saber...woot woot!!!

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yet you have no problem being a God of this Galaxy, deciding who gets to live and who gets to die? You claim to love the beauty of real life, yet you aspire to have your statue on every civilized planet? Conflicted you are.
~Joe

13.5.05  
Blogger Katja said...

Darth Sidious' master was Darth Plagueis. Other than that, this blog is impressive to say the least. Keep me reading.

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ironicly enough I really like the way this whole thing is being writen. I myself am a writer "of what books I cannot say :)" and have shown this to many of my friends. Though most do not like the idea of Anakin, in mind, thinking as he does now, but I think its great. The idea that Darth Vader is still, at least in mind, Anakin Skywalker is a really well thought idea. If you read the way Vader thinks throughout this whole thing, then go back and watch the movies episode 2 and 3, and even 1! You will be reminded that they both sound very much alike in many aspects. Very good work, I look forward to more.

14.5.05  
Blogger Joan said...

Brilliant commentary as usual. I particularly enjoyed your rather scathing indictment of the Jedi as galactic voyeurs, more or less.

The appeal of the Dark Side is now so much more obvious, as is the difficulty of the path you chose to follow.

That said, you remain what you chose to become, a self-styled "monster" and all this high-sounding rhetoric about uniting the galaxy and fighting inevitable cycles of civilizational decay is just so much self-delusion.

But it does make for awesome reading. Thanks.

14.5.05  
Blogger Rheader said...

marciamarciamarcia>> Darth Vader's name may be a play on [in]vader, but I remember from a book that "Vader" is German for "father." But then again I read that a long time ago... I checked on http://babelfish.altavista.com/ and it says father=vater...

That's some heavy implications of what Darth Vader's like...

14.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's 'father' in Dutch, not German...

14.5.05  
Blogger Sirius Green said...

Gifted writer you are. Rip your vocabulary off I will. Jealous I am.

14.5.05  
Blogger Storm Trooper said...

yo - if you want info on Darth Vader - goto
www.cratchet.blogspot.com

It reveals all about the Jedi and Darth Vader! Awesome

14.5.05  
Blogger Drew Price said...

Brilliant work Lord Vader!

14.5.05  
Blogger Chris W. said...

Dr. Romay,
(quote)Please, please, please... *do* read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series...

Trust me.

...or if you wanna play on and on (even months afterwards) with the two-sidedness of words and meanings from prophecies you were sure you had right --but were suddenly proven utterly wrong--, try Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series... especially books 1, 2 and 4...

Dr. C. Romay


I wish that you would just tell me if you think that I'm either wrong or right, instead of just referring me to a book series. It has been recommended to me before and I will be reading it sometime, as I love a good series. Thanks for the suggestion!

14.5.05  
Anonymous Dr. Romay said...

Hey, Chris!

Hi! What I meant was that you are very, very correct.

*DO* read those series.

Best wishes,

Dr. C. Romay

16.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding Stormtroopers and Clones and the EU:

First of all, ST's in the Original Trilogy (OT) were NOT clones. I say were, because, since the ability to make Ep 1, 2, and 3, they somehow miraculously became clones. In other words, when Ep 4, 5, 6 came out, they were regular guys, conscripts, and enlistees, etc., but then the Great Holy One George Lucas descended from on high, changed the concepts he had originally written in treatment form for Ep 1-3, and decided and creed that all ST's were actually Fett Clones.

Remember, Zahn actually worked with Lucas to write the Heir to the Empire/Dark Force Rising series. He got all his background material directly from the horse's mouth regarding the clone wars. Lucas even admitted to this. It wasn't until GL determined all the money he could keep making by licensing out the SW franchise to writers to continue the EU that he decided that EU would not be canon, only the movies would hold that priveledge, even though the EU was forced to keep a continuity.

In short, ST's WERE not Clones. ST's are now all Clones.
(and even regarding the Academy on Carida - Clones still had to be trained if the flash memory training wasn't used)

17.5.05  
Anonymous Sebastian said...

Excellent blog, stunning post.

17.5.05  
Blogger BeckoningChasm said...

Excellent post. I had no idea the Sith were related to Asimov's Foundation folks, but I see the truth of it now.

18.5.05  
Anonymous Sith Hopeful - D. Khadith said...

I have often wondered of the light siders' pitiful misinterptation of "Bringing balance to the Force". I mean, before Lord Vader, there were only two Sith, and dozens if not hundreds of Jedi. The Force was severely *un*balanced in the Light's favor. The little boy with the mad driving skills and the high medachlorian count brought balance to the Force when he killed all but two Jedi - Yoda and Kenobi. Leaving the balance of 2 against 2...

19.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THEY ARE NOT CLONES IN Return of the Jedi!!!!!

In Stae Wars, Luke mentions the Imperial Academy - they started recruiting to build an army. Storm troopers are regular humans who are trained as soldiers at the imperial academy.

No new clones.

22.5.05  
Anonymous JC said...

Hello,

As 40-year-old historian as well as a professional sword instructor and martial artist fencer of 26 years experience, I must tell you I love your writings on the Dark Side. Very creative and insightful.

There is something of an element of, the “Dark Side” for lack of a better term, to my craft, and since we practice a pragmatic “hard style” combative system, not a “soft” one devised for operatic ballet or stunt display, I can attest to the value (and indeed, “power”) of aggression and emotion-driven technique. Unlike others, there’s no pansy, effete “dancing” play and useless showmanship to our craft. It is brutal, vicious, and motivated from violence, yet is discipline and elegant in execution.

Though, throughout historical martial literature fighting men have cautioned against fighting from anger or allowing rage and emotion to overcome the swordsman in battle, a fighter can indeed employ “emotional content” that inspires and energizes. Allowing aggravated frustration and primal survival instincts to rise within. Focused by our desire and will power, it flows over and through us, feeds our adrenaline and frees the cognitive mind to respond reflexively and unpredictably with speed, energy, and strength. Tapping in to it, giving in to it, sometimes with righteous contempt or moral disgust, releases a powerful invigorating exhilaration that is true to the nature of genuine “Martial” arts.

If that isn’t the “Dark Side”, then there ain’t no other name for it.

Like the contradicting hypocrite demagogue Jedi in the latest film, those who today study the martial arts often claim they do so solely for peaceful reasons of character development, health, and self-defence, yet the underlying violent reality of the “Arts of Mars” betrays such deceitful arrogance. I think the “Sith” knew better.

Cordially,

JC

24.5.05  
Anonymous Ligia Luckhurst said...

Very interesting. Some of it quite profound. But the real Vader would not write a diary, not in the ordinary sense. And there is a confusion between very meaningful statements and very ordinary sentimentality.
Visit some links you can find on my Hermetic Work page. They will take you to where you can find real life Jedi and real life Sith. Send me an e-mail from the site once you've visited the links.

5.6.05  
Blogger Fay said...

The sith rules! Hayden Christenson was hott, I'm so sad it's ova!*sniff*.. dude u are great for posting a site on star wars
*clapclap* nicely done!!

11.6.05  
Blogger Starofafrica said...

WOW!!
This is not just another crappy blog. Your writing is astonishing and absolutely enthralling!

12.6.05  
Blogger Brother OMi said...

on clones...
the cloners on Kamino designed these particular clones to age TWICE as fast as humans. When Sifo Dyas ordered the first batch of clones, it was ten years before Ep II.

the Cloners made TWO batches as they explained in EP II (when they said in the next few months, the next batch will be ready... and then they try to sell Obi Wan some more)

references:
Republic Commando: Hard Contact by Karen Travis

the Kyp Durron saga in the Jedi Academy trilogy

13.6.05  
Blogger cinemafreak said...

My head hurts after that. But my jaw is dropped.

12.9.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear sinister lord Vader i wounder if you hate that old cripple paplatine why you didnt kill him earlier?

10.10.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great writing

19.10.05  
Anonymous mysticalcravings said...

Interesting.....

9.12.05  
Anonymous Luke Skywalker said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

ect.

2.1.06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Zora about the Emperor. I'm loathing the Emperor, but I liked your poetic vision of the Force. It was grimly realistic.

30.1.06  
Anonymous Emperor Palpatine said...

I brought this galaxy together and all you can do is admire my apprentice!!!???? You will all DIE!!!!! GAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

*Sends Force Lightning down upon all posters and seeks a new apprentice*

29.5.06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck off, relax its sci fi and if it hits close to home and your worrying about it ....gat help....peace is a lie...

15.10.06  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the reason why Dart Vader never opposed Palpatine because he owe him his life after saving him af the battle of obi wan kenobi

31.1.07  
Blogger cliffy said...

Darth Vader the best Sith Lord I know.

31.1.07  
Anonymous Mary cassatt said...

ugly!!!

7.11.07  
Blogger BlueNight said...

This reminded me in no small way of the setup for Asimov's Foundation series: the cycles of civilization and the valley between mountains.

And you made a point that I had never seen before: by their meddling, the Sith caused enough anxiety in the galaxy that it was (barely) able to survive the Yuuzhan Vong a generation later. If not for Palpatine's scheming and Anakin's turning, the aging Republic and the andient and committe-riddled Order of the Jedi would have been unable to fight back.

1.3.08  
Blogger Royn-Ber Wendjaifa said...

Perhaps, you too also need to be more mindful of the Maxims of the Sith (The Sith Maxims are traditionally attributed to one Darth Malificious, a Sith Lord of early Sith legends), here you go:

Powerful emotion is the Guide, through it there is Purpose;
Ignorance is the tool of Power, through it there is Control;
Hatred is the flower of Passion, through it there is Compulsion;
Chaos is Opportunity, Opportunity gives Power;
There is no doom in Death, eternally there is the Force.

4.6.11  

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