Journal of Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith and Servant to His Supreme Excellency the Emperor Palpatine.
20050504
I Hate Waiting
Awaiting the arrival of Skywalker. A personal moment.
My words yesterday about Leia Organa got me to thinking. Specifically, I was thinking about the way I referred to her as her. Am I so weak that I cannot bring myself to pronounce her name?
Her name was Padme Naberrie. And she was my wife.
Do you know what I liked best about her? It was not her laugh, or her tresses, or her even her kisses: it was the fire that lit in her eyes when she was angry. That fire told you who you were dealing with: not a mere mortal, but someone who would bring rain to deserts if it suited her. A stubborn godlet, in a girl's frame. Her spirit shone so vividly I could never read her mind for all the glare.
And she had this amazing power of dignity that meant that no matter how much someone might underestimate her initially, after the first few words out of her mouth they were forced to take her seriously.
People never took me that seriously. (I mean, they do now -- but not then.) I had to kill people to get them to take me seriously.
They say I killed her, that I killed Padme. But it is not true. I choked her, yes, but it was childbirth that took her. The Force traded Padme for Luke, the boy who now races to this city to rescue his friends. As he draws nearer the strings of the Force hum in anticipation, new nodes of causality blooming at the intersections of its interstellar strands...
I wll reach out to him.
As I reached out to Obi-wan Kenobi and was denied, and left to burn, I shall reach out to take Luke's hand when he is fallen before me. I will have in abundance what no one had for me: mercy, forgiveness, understanding, trust.
When I close my eyes the sky is alight with the whorls of the Force, coalescing here around this city in the clouds. How can I doubt the truth I have divined? Luke will join me.
It is his destiny.
You go Mr. Vader Sir! Show 'em who's boss!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm beginning to worry that by reading your memoirs, some finer points may get spoiled for me when your "Historical Document" entitled Revenge of the Sith starts making it's rounds in our "public viewing libraries"... Should I (or we) worry about such spoilers?
Dude. Bitches ain't nothing but hoes and tricks.
ReplyDeleteI would personally think it's unwise to call the wife of a Dark Lord of the Sith a "ho" and/or a "trick".
ReplyDeleteJust seems like a poor life decision.
(OOC: I wonder, if Padme dies in the film, how Lucas will change what Leia said in the original trilogy about vaguely remembering her mother, if at all? It would seem that she was alive for some time after Luke and Leia were born)
Dear Darth Vader,
ReplyDeleteThis is a serious question that's been on my mind for a while now. Pretty much from the first day I found this blog I've been wondering this, and I'm sure everyone else is wondering this too. I mean, its kind of personal, and I understand if you don't want to answer it, but I just gotta get this off my chest.
Ok, here goes.
DO you prefer waffles or pancakes?
Um, would you mind holding off with the spoilers? Just for two more weeks?
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Concerned Spoilage Activists,
ReplyDeleteDo bear in mind that the author of this blog has not seen Episode III any more than you have.
All spoils are speculative.
Your Lucasian mythology mileage may vary.
Love,
CheeseburgerBrown
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWaffles, because they are more evil.
Sincerely,
D. Vader
Lord Vader
ReplyDeleteM'lord it seems one of the incomptent stormtroopers that went to Dantooine to check the rumors of the Rebel base found yourself and a man the trooper stated as being called "Skywalker." But after hearing of you chasing after a Commander Skywalker, I told them to help you. Only after they blew Skywalker in half did I learn that you wanted him captured.
Captain Emil Bludanski
Don't Kill Me!
Darth Vader,
ReplyDeleteSalutations to you from your teachers here at Evil Acadamy! We know you were a bit off balance when your Master sent you here all those years ago because you had fallen into that volcano... But you rose to the challange!
We wish to cordially invite you to a reunion that will be held at the old school building itself, on Kessel. Boba Fett is in charge of tech support, and Jabba is bringing the food, we have one of our most prominent students, General Grievous, as the bouncer; Grand Admiral Thrawn will be overseeing the proceedings.
Please attend, as it is to be an evil night (we must remind you however, not to crush your fellow students' traechea with the Force if it is at all possible. The servers are fair game though.)
Evil Acadamy, Celebrating more than a century of evil
Anakin:
ReplyDeleteI have gained the trust of a Rebel R2 unit and am hoping beyond hope that you will receive this communication.
The rumors of my death are lies. After your outburst on Mustafar (completely understandable, now that I have the benefit of time to heal the emotional wounds), I was taken to a secret location to bear our child. I was heavily drugged, so I don't remember it too well. (As a matter of fact, I can't shake a memory that I actually delivered TWINS, although I know that I was way too small for that; you remember how petite I was!) The babe was immediately taken from me. Bail said that it was "for my own good," or some such prattle; you have no idea how much these last twenty years have cultivated a putrid hate for that manicured scumbag.
But I digress.
For the first few months after delivery, I was heavily sedated and the rebels tried to brainwash me. But you know me, love; their pitiful techniques could never break a will such as mine. But through the fog I came to realize something that did crush my spirit: they would never let me go.
So I have spent the last twenty years being transferred from planet to planet, freighter to freighter, under a form of house arrest. They let me talk to no one, see no one, and won't let me even see our child. Their torture has been horrific. I suspect their endgame is to hold me for such a time when, on the brink of their ultimate demise, they may use me for a last-ditch hostage manuever.
But all the while, I have been biding my time, waiting for this moment to reveal myself to you through encoded channels. If you can read this, reach out through the Force and find me. (There's no point on my trying to reveal my current location; they will have surely moved me by the time this arrives.) Take me into your arms once again. Let's forget about Mustafar. We can still have a life together!
Remember that cottage on the shores of Lake Gimmela on Naboo. We can go there again, just the two of us. It can be like old times. Rescue me from their clutches and we will rule the galaxy together!
Forever,
Padme
PS There are disturbing rumors that you sustained some injuries in your travels. I hope this is not true.
I wish that Lucas would have hired Lord Vader to write his recollections for Revenge of the Sith.
ReplyDeleteI am terribly hurt and incredibly surprised to hear that you and Padme were secretly married. What of your Jedi oath? I can't believe Senator Amidala got over your lame come-ons. I remember my last conversation with Senator Amidala back on Naboo before the start of the Clone War. I was fixing her hair into long curls and helping her into her dominatrix evening gown, when she told me your silly sand reference. She told me she had to use every once of her royal training not to burst out laughing! Though she did say that you were hot. I'm surprised she chose you, she didn't gain all that political power by the variety in her wardrobe, you know what I mean. Maybe she was on the rebound from Jar Jar. She probably got sick of all those late night intellectual conversations! Okay, I'm bitter!
ReplyDeleteMy Goodness... you write well (but I already said that yesterday).
ReplyDeleteCould it be we see a kink in the black armor?
SPOILER ALERT!!!!
ReplyDeleteTo all the many who are confused about the Leia reference in Return. She was talking about her adopted mother!!! Sheesh!!!
This primative communication medium does seem to be overwhelmed with rude creatures. Perhaps Lord Vader should speak with the Emperor about having this "internet" heavily regulated in such a way that those who would dare speak ill of the Emperor, Lord Vader or the mighty Empire would be "visited" by a team of Stormtroopers who would go all Abu Grabe on the offender. "Squeal like a pig anonymous rebel scumbag."
ReplyDeleteJust a thought Lord Vader.
To be honest Lord Vader, if you really wanted Padme back, maybe you could visit us cloners on Kamino, we'd be more than happy to whip up Padme 2.0, while you're here, if you wanted to keep a couple spare, I'd be more than happy to take care of a "backup copy"
ReplyDeleteLord Vader,
ReplyDeleteI have news of some urgency for you, but have been unable to contact you through any other means.
It has come to my attention through the grapevine that city administrator Calrissian may be planning to defy your will with regards to the disposition of Captain Solo, Princess Leia and the escaped wookie slave.
I would advise you to be on your guard regarding administrator Calrissian - he is a crafty and devious person, and not to be trusted. I think that his personal loyalties to Captain Solo may cause him to make poor choices that could lead to a permanent Imperial Garrison here in Cloud City.
Also, while I have your attention - would you have any openings in the Stormtrooper core? Having seen and been impressed by your crack troops in action here in our fair city, I would very much like to join their ranks. To be associated with a force as strong as the Empire would be a great honor.
Also, their white ceramic armor is much, much more impressive than the blue woolen uniforms worn by the Wing Guard here in Bespin.
Perhaps if you were to leave a Garrison here it would be advantageous to have a 'local' flavor to your troops.
I thank you for you time, and hope you consider my offer.
Sincerely yours,
Wing Guard #91JJ82
Repulsorlift Security Specialist
Darth,
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you of the heart break that I experienced, trying to guide you. I often found myself stupified in wonder at your raw strength and ability in the force.
I was not able to be a father to you. At the time the parental instincts had not formed. I tried to be a cool older brother and a good role model, but unfortunately the stresses and changes of puberty took its course, and you became a jerky little brother.
The fart jokes in training and obsession with female nudity grew tiresome, and drove a wedge between us. Eventually your unbridled pubescent temperment overshadowed any influence I had.
I have many regrets, and I do blame myself for your downfall. I console myself with the funny memories of R2D2 coming back from the female residences with undergarments and video feeds from the showers.
If you son only knew of the tasks and pranks that you had r2 do.
Alas I have go, I have been using the jedi invisibility for a while, and already had two storm troopers sit on my lap.
-Ben
It's "Wookiee," you uneducated nerf herders! W O O K I E E. Two "E"s. Got it?
ReplyDelete- -
Niene, Head Librarian
Coruscant Main Library
M'lord,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to interupt your busy schedule, however something has been playing on my mind recently.
I am curious as to how you felt about yourself in your earlier days, I wonder, when you were the whiney little girl on Tatooine, "It's all Obi-Wans fault" Boo hoo hoo! and even before then, how did you feel about your existence as a slave, to me it seems like you had more of an after school job than you were a slave.
A faithful reader.
P.S. I honestly feel that your mothers death was infact a cause of your own weakness. Had you taken the intiative when you got the dreams you could have rescued her and lived happily ever after. I fail to see how you failing is Obi-Wans fault.
I don't know anything about Star Wars (yes, I'm evil, I know) but your daily blog has me hooked - I don't even know how I came accross it! I'll be watching the other Star Wars movies just cause you've got me intrigued. Your writing certainly inspires. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteok ok ok,,,, here is it
ReplyDelete>>>VIRUS SCANNER: ATTACHMENT OK
>>>Darth-Blog Virus Scanner
Attachment:
NotAVirus.jpg.exe
ok ok ok,,,, here is it
ReplyDelete>>>VIRUS SCANNER: ATTACHMENT OK
>>>Darth-Blog Virus Scanner
Attachment:
NotAVirus.jpg.exe
To: All Contacts
ReplyDeleteDon't open any attachments you may have received from me recently. My computer was infected with JABBA.Worm@mm
-Boba
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteI hope you're not disappointed in your reunion with your son, especially if he screams like a girl when you tell him the truth about your relationship.
Sprag "27 takes and that's the best you can do?" Johnson
Dear Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteI will not feel sorry for you.
You chose the way of the Sith knowingly. You turned against your family, against your friends, against your peers. You struck them.
You are deceiving yourself by saying that you were betrayed or even not taken seriously. You know very well that you are no longer the victim you were once, or thought you were. You have spent the last 20 years behind this mask not being a victim but quite the opposite.
It was your choice.
You may choke me now.
Rgds,
Julien
T4nM4nC4NN0N: i'd get high with vader
ReplyDeleteT4nM4nC4NN0N: i'd go to the dark side in a heartbeat
flowero0ochild: haha ok i will go there. haha we'd be passin the joint around and he'd look at you and go "i am your father" and then you'd say it back to him and he'd laugh in that odd heavy breathingness
T4nM4nC4NN0N: omg
T4nM4nC4NN0N: in one of the pots
T4nM4nC4NN0N: it has a letter he writes to the family of one of the officers he force chokes to deather
flowero0ochild: yeaaaah
flowero0ochild: you are so happy arent you
T4nM4nC4NN0N: you have no idea
T4nM4nC4NN0N: i found my entertainment for forever no
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteWhen the Imperial March was usually played during Emperor Papaltine's appearance, do you actually jiggy secretly in the back.
I need to know this. I have made a huge bet with the bartender.
P/S : If you do need to choke me, at least let me finish this mug.
Sign,
The drunkard at Tattooine.
Hey Vader-
ReplyDeleteWhen the Devastator captured the Tantive IV over Tatooine, didn't that strike you as a little odd? Did you have stormtroopers bring Watto up to your Star Destroyer?
"Hey, Watto! Remember me?"
Maybe you and Kitster went to play ball with that slave girl who could afford braces. How is Kitster these days?
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteMy scene was deleted from the historical document, but I assure you that the plan to keep Skywalker out of the Academy succeeded.
I will see you shortly. I will be flying in the Red Squadron, please avoid any direct hits on my X-wing.
A1C Darklighter
M' Lord,
ReplyDelete[pointing]
Your..um....codpiece is missing, ....sir.
Your.... it's gone. Did you forget it today?
Darth,
ReplyDeletetell me more about Fett's skin cream, was it like Mederma?
I also wanna know how you roll?
Um, annoymous above who said Leia was referring to her adoptive mother...Luke asked her about her REAL mother, what memories she had. Watch the movie again.
ReplyDeleteLuke says "What do you remember about your mother, your REAL mother?" If she were talking about her adoptive mother she'd have a lot more memories probably.
*ahem*
This is the most profound and personal entry you've made so far, Lord Vader. I greatly enjoyed it.
Vader,
ReplyDeleteWhen you "reach out into the galaxy" with the Force, do you ever pick up on chicks in the shower or anything? I mean, with that trick you do with the choking and all, I bet you could get a rise out of a chick from like 4 light years away.
You need to come and work for me brother, I'll make you famous. You could arouse 100 women at once and just sit there chillin' on a couch watching some tv and sucking on a death stick. Hit me up.
Yours truly,
Ron Jeremy
cool shit,
ReplyDeletevery interesting read, well done
Dear Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteYou are a whimpering, whining brat. Instead of throwing you in the lava I should have rammed my light saber up your ass. At least then I would have saved the Galaxy from any more of your useless posturing. Grow up!
Your Former Master
Obi-Wan Kenobi
P.S. Great Blog by the way. The best laughs I've had in a long, long time.
My Dear Lord,
ReplyDeletePlease be careful of Skywalker. Our spies have informed us that he has been coached by Paula Abdul.
Imperial Spy #9
Mr Vader:
ReplyDeleteIt has come to our attention that you have recently made several claims on your modified TIE interceptor. We must remind you that your policy does NOT cover combat related damages. It only covers theft, weather damage, and uninsured pilots. When we asked you about the extended coverage, you said, and I quote, "I am a Dark Lord of the Sith. I do NOT need collision, liability, or womp-rat coverage."
For a more detailed response, please see our represenatives on Corsucant.
Intra-Galaxy Mutual Insurance
On the subject of what a real mother is--I have three adoptive daughters and they are refer to me as their real mother!!
ReplyDeleteBail Organa's queen may have never told Leia that she was adopted!
The twins mystery is nothing extraordinary in the book. Luke goes to his step-uncle in Tatooine with Ben to watch silently in the desert. Bail Organa asks Yoda to take Leia to his queen since, "we have always wanted to adopt a baby girl".
Remember, Lucas is an adoptive father and I'm sure he too would be offended by your "real mother" comment.
Well, that was certainly crunk.
ReplyDeleteAre you into Vogon Poetry now?
I have read the book three times now. I assume the reference described above when Leia told Luke about her "real" mother to be correct. Lucas's explaination probably would be that Queen Organa died when Leia was young and that they had decided to keep Leia's biological mother a secret from her to keep her safe. We Amidala dies in childbirth Yoda requests that Amidala be buried in Naboo, appearing to still be pregnant.
ReplyDeleteDear Vader,
ReplyDeleteIf you admit Lukie is your son. Are you willing to assume his student loan debts? Please do submit 1 imperial credit to cover his loan expenses.
The Loan Shark of Tattonine
He may not have seen Episode III, but he could have read it.
ReplyDeleteThe book has been out for quite some time now.
The spoils are not speculative whatsoever!
Dear Darth/Anakin,
ReplyDeleteAmidala was a wonderful intelligent, insightful and poised young woman. You were a whiny, pouty, arrogant, snot-nosed brat.
You used a Jedi mind trick to get her to marry you, right? Admit it.
Sincerely,
KILMA FASYD of the planet Alesse
Lord Vader
ReplyDeleteAny chance of your memoirs being published in book form? If so can I get a signed copy?
From Dan Nugent in the 4th "reply"
ReplyDelete(OOC: I wonder, if Padme dies in the film, how Lucas will change what Leia said in the original trilogy about vaguely remembering her mother, if at all? It would seem that she was alive for some time after Luke and Leia were born)
Don't you realize that Lucas suffers from a brain-debilitating disease known as GLIMIUAHGA? Pronounced Gli-Moo-Ha-Ga, it stands for "George Lucas is Making it up as he Goes Along." In other words, it doesn't matter what was said by Leia near the end of EpVI, it only matters what happens to Padme now. I hate to tick off all of those Georgie Fanboys, but George's story has holes in it large enough to drive Mack trucks through. Of course, George would respond with something like "Well, Leia was referring to Bail's Organa's wife, not Padme. Duh!" or something outrageous like that.
Regardless, thanks for the posts, Dark One. You have truly enlightened us to your inner thoughts to an extent that far exceeds your last admission of "You were right...tell your sister, you were right."
Miamath,
ReplyDeleteNope, I'm afraid not.
The author has not used any resource material except what is contained in the recent DVD editions of the saga, and the information available in the "Databank" on the official Star Wars website.
He has never read a book about Star Wars of any kind, with the exception of George Lucas' own novelization of the 1977 film.
The author has spoken with a film exhibitor who saw the first ten minutes of Episode III in Las Vegas recently, but he has been careful not to include any spoilers that may have been gleaned from this conversation, trivial as they may be.
If the author is able to guess the mind of George Lucas in any respect, it can only be because mythologies of this stripe tend to follow certain conventions.
Which is a long way of saying: if Padme does not die in childbirth, I'll eat my hat.
Love,
CheeseburgerBrown
Darth Vader,
ReplyDeleteHrrrrrrrraaahh! Hrrraaaaah hrrah hrrm hrrraah hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaah? Hrrraaaah hrrah hrrrrmmaaaah rrrahhhh.
Hrrrrrrrrrraahh,
Gaagyykaaah
ps
Waffles hrmrrrrrmrrrraah hhrahh.
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteI represent one "Luke Skywalker." It has come to his attention recently that you are apparently his father. In the same exchange where he learned this, apparently there was some mishap where his hand was severed.
Mister Skywalker has asked Tatooine Public Aid for assistance in his case. To wit, it is his contention that you owe child support to the estate of Owen Lars for eighteen years of his upbringing. Additionally, he intends to seek civil judgement against you for intentional emotional harm, due to the manner in which you informed of this, as well as for the loss of his hand.
Based on the current Tatooine Child Support formulas, balancing your income as a "Sith Lord" and Mr. Lars' income as a "Moisture Farmer", and based on the principle that as your son Mr. Skywalker's support should have allowed a lifestyle commesurate with your income level, we estimate that you would be liable for approximately 99.9985% of his support. Perhaps you could sell one of those fancy "Super Star Destroyers" of yours.
On the matter of any civil matters, such as Mr. Skywalker's hand, Mr. Skywalker is willing to forgo the spectacle of a public civil trial if you agree to payment on the child support matter. Otherwise, you can expect a summons to the Tattoine civil court to defend your position.
Enclosed, I've attached an envelope addressed to Tatooine Public Aid. Please enclose your payment on the child support matter in this envelope and drop it in any mail slot you happen to find. Postage has already been paid, for your convenience.
Sincerely,
Felonigle Mok, Esquire
Tatooine Public Aid
1138 Thux Road
Mos Eisley, Tatooine
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteNow knowing that you have a son, how do you feel about missing out on his formable years? Not seeing him participate in the annual pod races (a chip off the old block). Not knowing that he won 2nd place in the bantha “pie” throwing contest at the fair. Or not having the father/son “chat” which could have helped him when he took Biggs’ sister to the prom.
Do you tears screw up your lenses?
Dr. Phil
Lord Vader, this weblog is really quite well done. I greatly enjoy reading it, and I thank you for publishing it in a forum available to the universe at large. Were I in your position, I would seriously consider putting this blog on my resume. However, if you do decide to follow that path, I would strongly suggest linking a mirror blog without comments. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised there's been any debate at all about the "memory of your mother" line. "Revenge of the Sith" will explain why Luke has no memory of his mother while Leia has a vague impression of her. It'll also explain why Threepio has no memory of Tatooine-- a recurring complaint of fans obsessed with plot holes and other Lucas goofs. (Lucas admits to making things up as he goes along.)
ReplyDeleteAll spoilers have been available for months at
www.supershadow.com
the only fan site actually sanctioned by George Lucas. The entire screenplay for the new movie is hosted there, and Lucas himself answers fan questions, many of which deal with Lucas's fat neck, plot holes in the movies, and why the new movie isn't going to be three hours long like the LOTR films. There's plenty of sycophantic fan mail, too.
There's been some speculation that the SuperShadow side is a fraud. If it is, it's a well-perpetrated one. The guy who runs the site claims to have been working at Lucas's side, helping to edit the film. Lucas (or "Lucas") claims that fan ideas given to SuperShadow have made their way into all the prequel films. The style of "Lucas's" writing, when he answers the fans' questions, is consistent with the way the real Lucas sounds when he talks. Just like the real Lucas, "Lucas" isn't much of a writer. I'm pretty sure (though not 100% sure) that "Lucas" is indeed the true-blue George Lucas, and that SuperShadow isn't a fraud.
The screenplay (which apparently doesn't reflect the final draft; some scenes were removed in the final version of the film) has been online for weeks. I guess a doubter could see the movie, then go check the screenplay for how well it matches up to the final product. Or, if unafraid of spoilers, a person could do the reverse.
As for Lord Vader's magnificent blog... consider me a fan.
Lord Helmet,
ReplyDeleteI was just writing to let you know how much I am truly inspired by your writings.
Yogurt says hi!
Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteYou do not know me, and I will not reveal my identity, but I have a confession to make.
I love you.
You may not know, but I have been in love with you for a long time. Even when you were with that pig, Queen Amadilio or whatever it was. I gazed upon your beauty from when you were just training to become a Jedi, to the time you donned your beautiful shiny black helmet. Day after day, I would dream and watch you from my station. As you would stroll in your majestic black cape and the darkness that enveloped you. I admired you when you crushed Ozzel's throat and watched in awe as you put Solo, that dog, in his place. I can just imagine your evil smile behind your mask when the screams of the Rebel forces come through the pa system. Oh how jealous I am of those who tread the path you walk upon. I should be in your arms. I keep a journal and in it, I write my hopes of you noticing me one day. Out of the millions of storm troopers, you will see me, and choose me to stand at your side. I will support your evil dreams and goals, as a loyal soldier, but more importantly, as your lover. I'm afraid you do not receive much encouragement from those idiots that surround you like annoying flies. I will be anything you want. I hope to be the man of your dreams... But until then, I will always regard you as my first true love.
Admiring you from a distance,
Your Storm Trooper
There seems to be real love in that relationship.
ReplyDeleteThe Almighty Isorion, Magus Maleficus, wishes to express how deeply joyed he is at havning found this interesting blog.
ReplyDeleteHey. Leia was born first. Given to Padme to hold and "connect." Luke was born with Padme's last breath.
ReplyDeleteOr at least that's what I think will happen.
Oh Mighty Dark Lord Varder,
ReplyDeleteI doubt you know me, I am but a Twi'Lek dancer... seems the only decent job a gal like me can get around here. Don't get me wrong, I like dancing and I have the moves, I've just always been more stimulated by... intellectual jobs.
Deep within my heart I want to either sing or work in engineering. I know singing doesn't seem much different than dancing, but as a singer I'm sure I could make more of a name for myself... and sing songs that touch people deep inside. As far as engineering goes... well, I picked up a lot of skills from my father when I was young.
It seems like only yesterday my family was still just that. My parents were run over by a stolen speeder, then shot because they were the only ones to see the face of the offender. Since then, I've been trying to make a credit anyway I can.
So, more to the point. I was wondering if you had a personal use for a lady like myself. If not, do you know of anyone who would?
Oh, and Ghastly, if you're still around, I'm a big fan of yours. Not as big as I am of Lord Vader, but still big. I don't suppose you've ever tried your hand at drawing a Twi'Lek?
Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing from, oh Dark One.
Sincerely,
"Leasha Kitty"
[OOC - For those of you (including me) who asked about Jedi's disappearing. Get the Trilogy on DVD and listen to the audio commentary during the scene where Ben let's Vader strike him down, and the scene where they burn Vader's body. Thanks to my buddy David for pointing that out. - OOC]
ReplyDeleteLord Vader, forgive me for saying Ben let you strike him down, but sometimes the truth hurts. And also for speaking of your imminent fate.
Side note, they say imitation is the highest form of flattery. My dog, Sadie, does a great impression of your breathing apparatus when she has her chew bone in her mouth. Sometimes we call her Darth Sadie. She'd love to meet you if you're ever in our neck of the universe. She'd gladly lick your boots, it's really just kind of a compulsive licking disorder she has, but nonetheless.
-PolesPosition
Darth Vader in the Personals...
ReplyDeleteName: Darth Vadar
Occupation:
Lord of the Sith, Servant to Emperor Palpatine
Hobbies:listening to music and destroying people's treachea with his mind.
Enjoys: killing
Do you think you and Darth are a true love match?! Enquire at: espionfivelovematchwed@espionfiveserver.com for his details.
Dear Mr. Lord Vader, Esq.
ReplyDeleteThat’s right, I get a terminal you nerf hearder. Thanks to the Freedom of Imperial Information We Think You Need to Know of act that you personally signed last year I get access to a library terminal every 24 hours. So there. Ok. So, you’re not my old man. But you sure lay the smack down like the old bastard, so I kinda thought I had you pegged. You just sounded sorta... Scottish there for a minute. My bad. BTW Stop scopeing my wookiee.
Cheers,
-Han
PS Would it help any if I said I was sorry for calling you a schmuck?
PPS The food here really sucks.
PPPS Golden Rod says 'hi' again. What is it with you two?
(OOC Stick with the timeline you morons!)
I just happened along this blog blog hopping tonight. As a long time fan of Star Wars and a writer, I find your writing to be excellent, and this blog will be one of my stops in coming days.
ReplyDeleteDear Lord Vader,
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of being choked by my ownhand, I find it difficult to believe that Waffles are more evil than pancakes.
I am not denying that you prefer them, after all, how in the name of Lucas would I know what you prefer ... but waffles being more evil! Ptttthhhhh!
Waffles are wimpy. How often do you hear of people "Waffling on" ... usually a sign of their wimpiness. A reason for ridicule.
Pancakes however ... you can flatten people and things to be just like them! FLAT AS A PANCAKE! BAM!
Yes, Pancakes are far more EVIL!
Your faithful servant,
Dabido
p.s. Please don't choke me!
Hi Dark One,
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. It is now the highlight of my day. But that's not the reason I'm writing. Hopefully this message reaches you in time. A great man once told me that a person should never know too much about their own future, as the consequences could be too disasterous. But I feel that the information I have is too important to let go. I know that you are excited about all the possiblities that being reunited with your son might bring, but I think you should hold off on revealing to him you are his father, at least for a little while. This one event will set in motion a chain that will eventually bring about your downfall. I have a feeling he is going to be in a rather fragile state of mind when you eventually have the opportunity to speak to him, and he will become a thorn in your side. You will not be able to turn him to your side as easily as you might think. Rather, this new information that you are going to give him is going to fill him with a new resolve, and he will become dilluted with the idea that he can "save you". It's not going to end well for you, my friend. I suggest an alternative : rather than tell him that you are his father, tell him that Obi-Wan killed him! This way, you can take care of two birds with one stone - you can get back at the old man, and you give Luke a reason enough to hate Kenobi and Yoda to question the training he has received so far. He will be a much more willing apprentice this way. You can worry about telling him of his roots when he is at your side. I know that I can't make up your mind for you, Lord Vader, but I just wanted to do my part to help. If you try my idea and don't like how it's going, I can see about getting you special access to a time machine so you can go back and repair whatever damage you think you may have done. But I don't think your gonna where all this is going the way things are right now.
A fan,
Marty McFly
Young Lord Vader;
ReplyDeleteYou truly do not understand the Dark Side of the Force. You and your master are merely triflers. You say you want Order in your galaxy. What you call Order, even by force remains an aspect of the Light Side, albeit a it is a shade of grey. You are on the right track but are far from your goal.
True chaos or complete nothingness and absolute emptiness only begin to approach the Dark Side. Once you can totally remove from all existence whole spiral arms of galaxies with a mere thought is when you can begin to understand.
True Order doesn’t allow anything to exist other than YOUR existence and YOUR will.
Yours;
Amb. K. Naranek
Has anyone on this considered that the force may have played a part in Leia remembering her mother? From memory, she says all she has are "nothing much, mainly just feelings" or something similar.
ReplyDeleteConsidering she was the child of one the more force adept in the universe, this would make sense.
Or maybe I'm just full of crap. Saw the movie today, blown away. Almost made up for Jar Jar. Almost.
Great blog too, hoghly entertaining.
Highly, dammit.
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
ReplyDelete- Dash Billions
c/o www.dashbillions.com
Tapping into the dark side of the Force is done through any extreme emotion. For the Sith, it is spurred by passion, not necessarily evil. One can be passionate about many things, after all. The evil comes from the Sith being blinded by their lust for power, thereby corrupting the flow of the Force.
ReplyDeleteLet's be honest: what's the fun of being a Jedi if you must be selfless and passive to use the Force? You need to feel to be alive...
(For more of the Sith-ly 411, check out this site: http://stuffo.howstuffworks.com/sith.htm)
This blog is fantastic--bravo to the author for taking on this challenge and turning out such an entertaining read.
~The Lady of the Sith
who ar what is this mandalorian, please clarify
ReplyDeleteThis is not just for "I hate waiting", this is for all the ones you've made vader. You've given me another point of view of Darth Vader. I couldn't help crying in the first and the last and some of the others. As I couldn't help crying watching Episode III. You've got Lucas' blood in your veins. This should be made more publish... perhaps someday it can be made a movie..? These "chronicles" together with Revenge of the Sith would be great.
ReplyDeleteYou're a great writer Lord Vader... Hopefully you will make alot of work like this in the future:) best star wars story ever...
Wow that was a good blog
ReplyDeleteDarth-
ReplyDeleteCan I call you Darth? I know we don't know each other, but I've decided to join the Dark Side. Oh, and you are totally sexy with your shiny black helmet and all, but I think you looked better before you were fried. In fact I want to rule. Maybe we can have babies and I'll smack YOU around a little bit. Just a thought, if you're into that sorta thing, but probably not. Control freak.
mmmmm......potatoes
ReplyDeleteDaddy,
ReplyDeleteI miss you, please come home!
The fire that burns...
ReplyDelete...I call that love, my Lord (bows head)
Very heartfelt.
ReplyDeleteThis is kinda gay. The only reason you did this is because people are brain-washed by shit films
ReplyDeletewow! pretty intense. and very creative! i love star wars. especially episode 3. i like your entries a lot!
ReplyDeleteI felt sorry for Anikin when he got miamed in Ep.3 Revenge of the sith. He seemed like a nice guy.
ReplyDeletehello
ReplyDeletei love ur blog
Padme xx
I have to say that reading of the use of all that sophisticated technology makes us all look rustic. Hope the blog gets updated sometime soon, now that episode !!! is out.
ReplyDeleteUR SO WIERD!!!! QUIT WHILE UR @ IT, WIERDO!!!
ReplyDeletemagnifico re... really wonderful post... hi i am karthik from chennai, india. wanna be friends? leave ur messages of Hi to me at karthik.globalsoul@gmail.com
ReplyDeletekeep up the great work
dope post...
ReplyDeletei can dig it...
i hate waiting too....
ReplyDeletei love jew darthie..
THAT was cool!
ReplyDeletedarth vader is a PIMP yo!!
ReplyDeleteYou have some serious family issues. I mean do you, like... blame your son for killing your wife or something?
ReplyDeleteChopping off your own kid's hand is kinda harsh, don't you think?
I mean, most adopted kids don't take too well to their real parents, especially if their real parents well...
Let's be honest, the kid didn't even know who you WERE and he'd been fighting you. You should have been a bit more understanding. I mean, all he's seen of you are your harsh sides.
I think you should have just given him a spanking, or a time out. Or sent him to his room without dinner or something.
Hell, grounding is great too.
Honestly, though. Chopping off his hand is REALLY harsh.
"They say I killed her, that I killed Padme. But it is not true. I choked her, yes, but it was childbirth that took her. The Force traded Padme for Luke, the boy who now races to this city to rescue his friends. As he draws nearer the strings of the Force hum in anticipation, new nodes of causality blooming at the intersections of its interstellar strands..."
ReplyDeleteShe lost the will to live because she thought you were lost to evil! If you would have trusted in the wisdom of the council and stayed in the light, she would have never been lost, palpatine would have been defeated, and democracy would have prospered! But instead you betrayed your friends, destroyed what you believe in, and allowed this dark lord to twist your mind, until you became the very thing you swore to destroy.
The responsibility of the chosen one should not have been put on your shoulders!
Darth-
ReplyDeleteI want you to want me.
Hmm, Darth Vader, the art crtic.
ReplyDeleteHow dare you put that political advertisement on your blog! You know I really thought you were something. But it turns out that your just another Liberal storywriting genius from hollywood who wants to get his political view out. Shame on you for slanderizing the name of Star Wars in the democratic party.
ReplyDeleteawesome!!!!!111 one eleven hundred and eleven
ReplyDeleteu shouldv killed luke wen u had da chance...why didnt u?! sum sith lord...
ReplyDeleteI love you.
ReplyDeleteI shall see you in heaven. Or hell. Whatever.
Bring back the blog
ReplyDeleteThis is -so- well written! Really a great look inside DV's head and heart. You are a very talented author!
ReplyDeleteok I just got slapped by my woman coz i spent too long reading all this. Oh well, it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work Vader!!
\m/ metal up your ass....
scratch that (the comment, not your ass...)
In response to the person who questioned Leia's line about remembering her mother as "beautiful", even though Padme dies in episode 3, Leia could have been referring to the woman who adopted her, not Padme. Maybe the mom who adopted her died when she was young.
ReplyDeleteUgghh...tired. Good story though!
ReplyDeleteSuperlong but good. Took me more than an hour to read the whole thing though. It's really great! You get to see everything from DV's point of view!
ReplyDelete.....Im stunned by your wonderous writing of Star Wars. I can never hope to write that well.
ReplyDeleteGo Vader man.
ReplyDeletedork vader, you should seriously consider getting a life....'nuff said.
ReplyDeletedear lord vader
ReplyDeleteI am a wookie hater and am forever in your debt for enslaving them and by the way i believe that a jedi is aboard your death star. but not to worry he is not knoweledgeble of his abillitys but he is still a rebel his name is kyle katarn perhaps it is his destiny to join you?
aw vader..so emo :/
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely enthralling. You should be an author.
ReplyDeleteAboslutely Sublime. If you were to write a book I would definitely buy it.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. You are one of the greatest Sith writers I have ever known.
ReplyDeleteYou rule, m'Lord.
"And he shall be called the son of suns"... The prophecy will soon be complete, and you will see her again.
ReplyDeleteu stink vader!
ReplyDeletedarth rulez or does he.....
ReplyDeleteI have watched revenge of the sith over and over again. i love Darth Vader and when i read the Memoirs of a Monster, the end seemed so fitting. Yes im a chick and Yes i cried. Obi wan was a jerk to leave him burning.
ReplyDeleteIf i was Padme, would have stuck with him and ruled the galaxy. Stupid girl she had it all.
Thanks for the memoirs.........if only it could be.....
You cant' fight with destiny. :)
ReplyDeleteI sooo would have stuck with Anakin and ruled that fucking galaxy. I would have had his babies and loved him till the end of is days. I don't care if he's a sith or a jedi.
ReplyDeleteTake his hand. :)
ReplyDeleteMan, Anakin really was a whiny bitch.
ReplyDeletethankkss
ReplyDeleteVader, dude, wassup with this blog? It had all the yummy goodness of the Death Star, now it's just dead. Wassup with that?
ReplyDeletevery hot blog
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI really think that your blog is a great idea. It is so cool
Hello
ReplyDeletei ts the V to the A to the DER (VADER) RECONSTRUCTIN the death star with ma slick suide suit that smells like tar fucking u up no matter who u r
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing...I am a die hard fan of this history and I would love to see somebody with a writing talent to Bring Darth Vader to mourn in Patme's mausoleum...
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your memoirs. I am an avid Star Wars fan, as well as an artist, and every once in a while I look for good articles to read on some of the things that interest me. All I had to do was type in Darth Vader and there you where. Keep up the good work, and maybe even check out some of my Star Wars art that I have published on my art profile sometime.
ReplyDeleteAs the immortal Captain Kirk might have said:
ReplyDeleteGET A LIFE !
nice blog !!!
ReplyDeleteThis all seems to perpetuate the myth that Vader was evil. In fact, Vader was a hard man but those were hard times and he had to keep the Empire together. The real problem was the Jedi Knights who were blocking progress and military reform. They had to go..
ReplyDelete