Author Chester Burton Brown
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Author Chester Burton Brown

20050409

My Sinister Agents Have Failed Me Again


Typical day at work. Rebel Alliance remains at large.

I feel uneasy, but I do not wonder why.

Tonight I have excused myself from the technical debrief of yesterday's assault on Dantooine, opting instead to remain on the bridge meditating on the stars. The force brings to me every whisper of the officers as they wonder at my state. Can any of them know what it is like?

They cannot. Their tour of service does not allow for marriage, or even private property beyond the materiel assigned them by the New Order. Even the eldest of them are children, in this respect, for their experience is limited to a world of men's camaderie, soldiers' celebrations and Imperial discipline.

They could never know what it is like to find out you still have a son, a stranger to you, lost amid the squalid systems of the outer rim and counted as a hero by your enemies.

Tomorrow I may strangle General Veers.


69 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

wtf you were never maried. you just had sex with the queen and then she died in child birth. but you never got married you stupid ass hole

21.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anonymous above doesn't know as much as he thinks, watch the end of Episode II "you stupid ass hole."

21.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes what the end of episode II or alternatively watch a good film.

22.4.05  
Anonymous Darth Vader said...

Dear anonymous,

Yes, I am a widower.

P.S. Remember when you dog died? That was me.

Sincerely,

D. Vader

22.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

elemenate these fools, m'lord

22.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Teach them how to spell before crushing their skulls while you're at it.

22.4.05  
Anonymous Cameron Watters said...

Everybody's stuck on the marriage thing. How about complaining about something that is ACTUALLY incorrect...like "Admiral" Veers. Unless he magically switched services at the pinnacle of his career, his name was "General" Veers.

22.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Lord Vader has a lot on his mind, I mean, so if he calls a General an Admiral, who's gonna complain? Besides you, I mean.

22.4.05  
Anonymous Kosh said...

Young Master Vader;

When your minions act like children, treat them as such.

Amb. K. Naranek

23.4.05  
Blogger Siopao Master said...

Do not underestimate the power of the darkside

24.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Admiral Veers and General Veers are different people? (There are many common surnames in the galaxy). I doubt Lord Vader would make a mistake of this magnitude. Unless of course, Admiral Veers ends up being promoted by normal means before the Battle of Hoth.

25.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PRIVATE AND URGENT.
Mr. Fal Hollard.
Valckenier- straat 85,
1036 XE Mos Eisley,
Tatooine.

Good day,

I am contacting you because of a business concerning a huge sum of money from a deceased deposit in the Security and Finance company where I work here in Tatooine. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I actually decided to contact
you due to the urgency of this transaction.

PROPOSITION;

I discovered an abandoned deposit in my company owned by one of our
Outer Rim customers who died along with his entire family as a result of an landspeeder crash. He actually deposited this funds amounting to
IC12,000,000,000.00 (Twelve billion Imperial Credits), for safe
keeping in my company here in Mos Eisley. Company file records shows that the funds was actually for a project our late costumer wanted to start in the near future (a multi million Dollar Spice plant in Kessel),
before his sudden and untimely death. As such since his death none of his relations or next-of-kin has come forward to lay claims for this property as the heir, this is the basically the reason why I have contacted you. My company cannot release the roperty unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our operating guidelines.

Upon this discovery, I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the funds to be released in your favour as the beneficiary's next of kin. It may interest you to know that I have secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries. Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;

1. Beneficiary full name and address
2. Direct Telephone and fax numbers
3. Occupation and position
4. Nationality and Date of birth
5. Marital status
6. Gender/sex

These requirements will enable me file letter of claim to the
appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before you can personally appear for the claim. I shall be compensating you with 30% of the total money while 10% will be for any expenses incurred the rest will be mine on final conclusion of this project. Please note
that your share stays while the rest shall before me for investment
purposes.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of
the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent mail. Please reply to my private and confidential email: falhollard@bankoftatooine.com

Best Regards,
Mr. Fal Hollard.

25.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Vader,

Your blog absolutely rules. May the dark side be with you. Always.

A friend

26.4.05  
Anonymous Matt said...

You are an idiot.

26.4.05  
Blogger SunFire said...

You guys are such nerds!

26.4.05  
Anonymous 40 year old man said...

oh wow, you are cute. Do you cyber?

27.4.05  
Anonymous Mos Eisley Police said...

Mr. Vader
We are glad to finally have caught up with you. Apparantly you had a legal name change two decades ago. This letter is to inform you that you owe fines and backfees for an outstanding Pod parking ticket in the amount of 2,347,895 Imperial Credits. Please make arrangements to pay this immediately or fact the immediate revokation of your Pod Racing license.

Regards,
Mos Eisley Parking Authority
Tantooine

28.4.05  
Blogger Ankur said...

ROTFL:

PRIVATE AND URGENT.
Mr. Fal Hollard.
Valckenier- straat 85,
1036 XE Mos Eisley,
Tatooine.

Good day,

I am contacting you because of a business concerning a huge sum of money from a deceased deposit in the Security and Finance....

28.4.05  
Anonymous Emperor Palpatine said...

Dear Darth,

As you are fully aware, it is against Imperial Policy and My Supreme Wish (MSW) to discuss Imperial matters on an insecure medium.

Please report to airlock AF-12 at your earliest convenience.

Your Master,

Palpatine

28.4.05  
Anonymous Bubba Fatt said...

V.Nice blog, Mr Vader. I wish I could manage my time as well as a dark overlord such as yourself, finding time to crush the rebellion and write about it. Sorry to hear about your leg. In response to Mr Cameron Watters' remark about rank confusion.. you shouldn't be so harsh on Lord Vader - he has been having a rough time lately, and with the speed of promotion among his higher ranked officers it is hard to keep up. Hope you kick some rebel tail Lord Vader... we eagerly await your next post!

28.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look, y'all. The big guy can't be expected to get everyone's name right all the time so, everybody's just gotta play along, OK?

I mean do you want your trachea crushed for correcting the man?

Sheesh! You people wouldn't last a week.

So the General gets called "Admiral" by the Boss and we all gotta get him a uniform quick-like to match. Cuz if we don't, somebody's gonna get the neck trick, see?

You should been here last year when the big guy called him "Gladys" and we had to find a different cocktail dress for every evening for a week.

Anonymous
3rd Assistant Footman to da Lord Vader

28.4.05  
Blogger Dabido said...

Good to see someone keeping those rebel scum on the run.
Quick question ... Queen Padma is a lot younger than Princess Leah and Luke Skywalker ... whom are supposedly her daughter and son ... I know this, as I've seen them interviewed. How do you explain this Darth?
The original Darth Vadar (aka David Prowse) didn't get his voice on screen ... nor his face ... nor did he get to bonk Natalie Portman in the later episodes ... doesn't he feel even more ripped off now?! :-)

28.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha, great blog! Funny comments with the Tatooine "Nigerian fraud" letters as well!

28.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ambassador Kosh?

29.4.05  
Anonymous Gandalf Teh Gr3y said...

THOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!

Wait..where am I?
Damnit...wheres that little midget when you need him?

29.4.05  
Anonymous Hidden Jedi said...

You have not destroyed all of us.
I believe there is good in you still.
Your love for your son shows me this; I sense that you are not well with your actions.

The light side has not pushed you away; you have only pushed away the light side.

30.4.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/generalmaximilianveers/

30.4.05  
Anonymous forochel said...

rotflmao

General Gladys Veers. Ahahahahahahahahahaha.

Dabido darling...*Princess Leia. She at least deserves to have her name spelt correctly.

1.5.05  
Anonymous Butcher said...

SaLaMi!!!1!122!2!!one!

1.5.05  
Blogger Mark said...

Need help with website....

http://collegescene247.blogspot.com/

2.5.05  
Blogger zzelp said...

whats it all about?

2.5.05  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

"and then she died in child birth..."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! She dies during child birth?? Then how the hell does Leia remember her. She tells Luke she remembers her mother was always very sad in ROTJ.
*shakes head*

2.5.05  
Blogger jonah said...

It is awesome I read It 8 times before returning to my blog game cheats manely star wars cheat codes how bout you take a look?

2.5.05  
Anonymous Deuce said...

NYPinTA, she was remembering what she *thought* was her mother (ie. Bail Antilles' wife). She never knew her birth mother.

3.5.05  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Princess Leia: Luke, what's wrong?
Luke: Leia, do you remember your mother? Your real mother?
Princess Leia: Just a little bit. She died when I was very young.
Luke: What do you remember?
Princess Leia: Just... images really. Feelings.
Luke: Tell me.
Princess Leia: She was... very beautiful. Kind, but sad. Why are you asking me this?
Luke: I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her.

3.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, 2 things, one:

if she died of child birth, then the princess would have to remamber her, because she died while giving birth to Luke, not Leah.

two: I cant remember...

3.5.05  
Blogger chad said...

K well u got a real Goth vibe there Buddy

3.5.05  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

"if she died of child birth, then the princess would have to remamber her, because she died while giving birth to Luke, not Leah."

Aren't they twins?

4.5.05  
Anonymous Kenedhor said...

Hey, you have spent very much time to this blog.

4.5.05  
Anonymous barnizagaitas said...

Visit my web http://perso.wanadoo.es/victormaldonado_05/ or, even better, link it from yours ;D I'll link your web in a moment

4.5.05  
Anonymous Stormtrooper Who's About to Get It. said...

Strangle Cameron Watters, my Lord... that will put a stop to all this bickering...

and Deuce, too, my Lord... He confuses Bail Organa with Captain Antilles...

4.5.05  
Anonymous nufacion said...

A little known fact of Vader's history:

Vader wanted legal jurisdiction over the twins, which led to a legal battle held up in Imperial courts many years by Obi-Wan, who was named their guardian by Padme just before death. Some argue Kenobi was their *real* father (see episode 3 and look at his friendliness with mrs. vader). In the end, Vader was declared an unfit father, because, according to the judge, he had "been possessed and corrupted by an evil entity."

5.5.05  
Blogger Drid said...

Funny

6.5.05  
Anonymous Meany said...

QUOTE=Trooper]Strangle Cameron Watters, my Lord... that will put a stop to all this bickering...[/QUOTE]
Just strangle us all while you're at it! End of discussion! =)

6.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always thought that Leia was a few years older than Luke. I guess that interpretation based on the actors involved rather than the characters.

6.5.05  
Blogger Sylver said...

Lord Vader, as someone previously noted, I'm extemely impressed with your time management skills.

7.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so unclever.

7.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LISTEN YOU STUPID MONKEY GET A LIFE N GO TO THE MOVIES A LITTLE MORE OFTEN YOU'LL C THAT THE MOVIE YOU LIKE YOU WANT TO BE IS OUTDATED N IF YOU R DEPRESS GO TO THERAPY

GET A LIFE N A GIRLFRIEND DOMESS

8.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unclever? I'll un-birth you!

9.5.05  
Blogger 'conk' said...

well I have tikets for the new star wars film.. the first showing!! take that up your arse!!!

10.5.05  
Blogger j00|{z said...

I hate when my minions do that too... WAIT... NO! Come back, Anakin! I know what happens!!! You get killed trying to save your son and at the end you turn purple! Don't do this! You're way too hot to die anyway.

11.5.05  
Anonymous Redhawke said...

I always thought that Leia was a few years older than Luke. I guess that interpretation based on the actors involved rather than the characters.

Which is especially odd, since Mark Hamill is five years older than Carrie Fisher...

13.5.05  
Blogger Lorena said...

Those damn Nigerian fraud letters hehe

13.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darth Revan is no martyr. Revan is still out there, beyond the Rim, and will return when needed most.

14.5.05  
Anonymous lukeskywalker said...

i love star wars

14.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a Jedi.

15.5.05  
Anonymous Qui Gon said...

Anakin! Stop using me as a symbol for your base schemes. You are using my image to destroy everything I fought for!

Join me, and be at Peace.

15.5.05  
Blogger Anthony Vanoo said...

Yo Darth, great blog. I cracked up at this post.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on Why do you wear that scary mask?

and while you're at it, Who's Your Daddy?

16.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

" 'if she died of child birth, then the princess would have to remamber her, because she died while giving birth to Luke, not Leah.'

Aren't they twins? "

whoa somebody needs to study the birds and the bees...twins arent birthed simultaneously, dear.

18.5.05  
Blogger HappySam said...

Help repel the Dark Side and check out Happy Sam
http://www.warwick.ac.uk/~poubae
Use the force for good, before we end up with Darth Samious

19.5.05  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

"whoa somebody needs to study the birds and the bees...twins arent birthed simultaneously, dear."

Can you remember the first few moments after you were born? I don't think so. So, if they were twins, Leia could have been born first and Luke second, but niether would remember her. And please don't give me the 'but they are strong with the Force' stuff. I just don't buy it.
Not that it really matters, except that storywise, yes it does.

19.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LEEROOOOOOOOOOOY
JEEEEENKIIIIIIIINS!

20.5.05  
Blogger Beloved Leader said...

Mr. Vader,

You so totally rock the outer space! Besides my own Father, the Great Leader, Marshall Kim Il-sung, I have patterned my political career after your example. On my own blog, I have several tributes to your greatness.

Long Live the Darth Side!

21.5.05  
Anonymous 900 year fiend smokin' Degobah Green said...

Insinuated in RTJ "another" powerful with the force it was.... think not have any of you Leia's memories her connection to the Force be from. Described them as "flashes" she did.

21.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lord, have you considered the benefits of a non-robotic prosthetic limb?

While when both are at their best, robotics are more effective, a less advanced replacement limb would be incapable of acting up at the worst of times.

- Just an unemployed doctor.

22.5.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Master, please let me remove these insolent fools from your presence.

2.6.05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shitcock

10.6.05  
Anonymous person said...

Well hey , Veers has is it coming.

28.6.05  
Anonymous Darth is King said...

I wish this wasn't finished. I just found it and I'm craving more Digital Entertainment.

20.5.07  

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