For Shmi
When will fools learn that the Empire always strikes back?
Also, reflections on my mother.
Mood: somber.
The StarDestroyer Avenger has broken from the fleet, and makes for Coruscant. Aboard Executor Admiral Piett commands the hunt for the newest hiding place of the destructive Rebel Alliance, while I am returning home to report to my master, the emperor of this galaxy and a master lord of the Sith. He is...unhappy about recent developments in the whole son-of-Skywalker business and, though I am not privy to the reasons, he was extremely put out that I failed to bring him Leia Organa.
"I underestimated her importance to you," I said as I knelt before my master's flickering holograph. "My failure is indeed complete."
"Your blindness in the matter redeems your fealty," he whispered, fondling the head of his imaged cane as his imaged eyes gazed down upon it. "It is not a significant issue, my friend. Not. Significant. At all."
And indeed, now that I think about it, it isn't all that significant. Perhaps I did undervalue the importance of relaying the known rebel spy Organa to Coruscant, obsessed as I have been with confronting my son. No doubt it is this obsession about which my master wishes to question me in person. Matters of the gifted come before the affairs of low men, as His Excellency himself reminded me when he admitted Organa to be insignificant.
"Chin up, Lord Vader," my master continued. "The Empire will strike back, and that pitiful pocket of anarchists will be stamped out forever."
"But master, in my son they may have a new hope for the return of the Jedi."
"Enough of this," grunted Darth Sidious, waving his gnarled hand dismissively. "We will speak of Skywalker when you come before me on Coruscant. Make haste for the core, my servant."
"Yes, my master."
The transmission ended, and I have remained ensconced in my guest chambers aboard Avenger ever since, staring out the port-holes with my hands clasped behind my back, meditating on the shining stars and pin-prick worlds and the unholy voids that separate them.
My thoughts have ranged to my mother.
She was born to merchants, hard-working but prosperous, plying the lanes of space for their daily bread and legendary fortune if it could be found. Nomadic for generations, the Skywalkers were renowned for panning the galactic rim for the rarest artifacts and most delightful primitive curiosities, eking a living selling wholesale to the Corellians who made a killing re-selling their wares in the core.
In the days of the Old Republic the tentacles of a corrupt federation came to ensnare every trade route of every civilized system, pressing even the once mighty Corellians into the margins. Individual tribes of merchant-nomads like the Skywalkers had no chance. They were pushed further and further into the periphery, forced to buy and sell in the smaller, dirtier, meaner markets of the outer rim -- Tatooine, Dantooine, Terminus...
The greatest force in their universe became the gangster Hutts, jealous gods on whose appeasement rode the success or failure of entire franchises. But hard times meant bribes went unpaid, and the Skywalkers' ships were beset upon by pirate raiders. The pirates stole their cargoes, their virgins and their children. My mother, Shmi, was a girl of seven years when she was kidnapped, ferried away in conditions unfit for beasts, and eventually sold in a Huttese market to the highest depraved bidder.
Some masters were kind, and others were cruel. She came to Tatooine and worked beneath the twin suns. When she became "inexplicably" pregnant she was sold for less than her weight in meat, from Gardulla the Hutt to Watto, a Toydarian junkman with a soft heart despite a hard tongue.
And I was born.
"Two for the price of one! How do you like that?" is what my mother says Watto yelled out to everyone who came by the shop that day. Then he slapped my mother's ass and reminded the men of her impressive flexibility. "Fifty oldster-standard nuggets for an hour, hah? Good bargain, hah? Smile for the nice men Shmi."
And she would. She would smile. My mother could always smile. She smiled as she died in my arms.
I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks, mom. You took an unbearable burden and gladly made it heavier so that I could stay innocent as long as possible. You made every sacrifice in the hopes of wresting for me a better life -- unhesitant, unflinching, without regret. You never once questioned that the underlying force that holds people together is love, even when all you knew was suffering.
I love you. I still do. Even now. I still think of you. Every day.
92 Comments:
I feel morbidly touched.
AWWWW....You weak pathetic fool.
Dark Lord,
A Mother's Day post? Nice Touch!
My ship's counsellor, Deanna Troi says you have had a very bad childhood, which has made you rather unhappy. Perhaps you need to mtry other pursuits.
Have you tried flower arranging?
Awww.... that is so sweet!
*hands the Dark Lord a kleenex*
Greetings Lord Vader,
I'm amazed at how thoughtful you are for your mother. Perhaps you are human after all.
Man, you should make this into a book.... excellent.
Terminus...
nice touch.
Wow, I can't believe it! I've been following your blog for days now, and it never occurred to me that you were actually MY Anakin! Hey, I wonder if you could help me out with a couple of deadbeats who owe me some money, eh, Ani?
I want YOU to be my baby's father! I would love to be your trophy wife!
It is that glimpse of Light and that shard of humanity that makes Vader that much more reprehensible..
He loves his mother, his dead wife, and he 'wants' to love his son...And at the same time, he's a genocidal monster serving at the heel of an even worse monster. It is the paradox that defines Vader and makes him believable.
Doomed almost from birth by circumstances beyond his control, he is both Death and Life to the Republic.
Be aware that when you finish this tale, it'll be saved to disk and printed out to be re-read in later days.
Such things 'should' live on.
~I~
And my Pastor says my mind is short circuited....
in your next to last sentence you have an error. it says: "even when you all you knew was suffering." either it's an extra "you" or it's missing a word.
great job, by the way.
you bring an emotion to me with every post.
Dear Dave,
Thanks.
Sincerely,
D. Vader
Infernis,
When all is said and done every post here will be collected in a single archive that will be made available for convient downloading. At no cost, of course.
Which do you think would be best? PDF or HTML?
Love,
CheeseburgerBrown
LORD VADER
WILL YOU STOP MOVING YOUR 1010ING LEFT LEG, I AM TRYING TO REPAIR THE DAMAGED CIRCUITS!
P.S.
IG-88 RULES!
X1-9C-50
Dear Lord Vader,
Thanks to your recent advice on crushing tracheas through the power of the Force, I have made significant improvements and now my enemies lie at my feet gasping for air and pawing ineffectually at their throats.
I wanted to thank you for your kind guidance. I am heartened to know that, although you are a ruthless Sith Lord with a limitless supply of Rebel scum to throttle, you still find the time to share your insights into the practical applications of the Force with your fans.
Yours gratefully,
The Zinc Avenger
Lord Vader,
I realize you are busy but
I have appealed my upcoming execution thru all the proper channels and have only you M'Lord left to appeal to. I will not waste your precious time and so I'll get right to the point.
I swear I slipped on wookie shit and bumped my head and passed out during our last engagment on Cloud city. I was NOT playing dead Lord Vadar despite what Captain Pucky has alleged.
I do plead guilty to failing to have my unit consistantly report for target practice over the last year. Capt Pucky said that of the 800 pulses sent out by my squad during the laser-fight, only 13 hit something other than a wall. 12 were insignificant hits to an already escaping rebel vessel. But one did manage to ricochet off a droids upper body and I believe that counts for something.
Lord Vadar, had I been concious, I would have lead my men more successfully.
Please review my case file Lord Vadar and stay my execution.
Thanks bunches,
Lt. Snivel, Prisoner escort detail.
Cell 94
Temporary holding cell/detox & laundry services wing.
Cloud city
While you're heading back to meet with Palpy, I hope you'll discuss those style ideas I suggested. Paisley sounds like it would be your thing.
To: Lord Vader
VIP Room 1, StarDestroyer Avenger, Star Wars Universe.
Dear Vader,
We of Clan Diamond Shark have heard of your recent "diplomatic" victories. You truly are a gifted warrior and we hope your lowly freeborns accept your genetic superiority.
Although we do not recognize this "Force" you speak of we do realize you are a powerful diplomat and skilled in negotiation.
Because of your gifted skills, and because of your efforts we have sent you a Star League issue cybernetic leg. We will discuss payment later, possibly some bondsmen or weaponry.
Happy "Mother's day"
Sincerly,
Star Captain Jonas
Huntress, Clan Diamond Shark, CBT Universe.
PS: We are also sending your blog transmissions throughout all of the sci-fi universe. We wish to warn you that the Goa'uld can be quite nasty at times ;)
Lord Vader, this entry truly tugs on the heart circuts. Thank you for sharing.
BLEEEE-WOOP! chip chip chirp! WHEEEOOOOOO!
Hey, as far as I see it, your mother would be damn proud. She worked her ass off so you could have a better life, and here you are, having clawed, scratched and killed your way to being number #2 man for the largest organization in the galaxy, overcoming injuries that would have left a lesser man dead or perpetually whiny for the rest of their existance.
That's a damn significant achievement for the son of a slave. Even better than bloodthirsty space pirate extraordinaire. You could probably sell holo rights on your life story. I've thought about doing just that from time to time, but I always end up killing entertainment industry execs whenever I board their ships. It's kinda got me blacklisted....
Anyway, I digress, therefore, I egress. G'day Lord Vader.
Vader,
You are weak.
- Darth Rage
Bedda Bodda Buddha: it's Darth Vader's blog. (Or web journal, rather, seeing that he never posts any links.)
Have you followed any blogs? For better or for worse, this is exactly what they tend to be like. It's just that this time it's D. Vader producing the content.
A weird and excellent idea, IMO.
Cheeseburger,
Go with HTML...And by all means, continue writing 'something' when you finish this blog...Talent should be shown to the world...
Kinda like Poledancing, only without the cheesy music and pasties.
~I~
My dear, dear Dark Lord,
you are positively morose...
Dear D. Vader,
I feel I need to alert you. Your master seems to have something in his mind. Something dangerous to you and your son.
Watch your back.
Your friend,
Anonymous
Young Lord Vader;
Wise lessons from worlds a long, long time from now in a galaxy far, far away…
Do not hang a birdfeeder over your picnic table…
…Wisdom of Zen – E’arth
If you really want to hang a birdfeeder over your picnic table either picnic elsewhere or eat the birds.
…Shadow Prophecy – Za’ha-Dum
Do you understand?
Yours;
Amb. K. Naranek
How touching...
Lord Vader,
I'm touched both for your reference to Terminus, possibly the blandest planet in the whole universe, and your account on the pain brought by Shmi's memories. The mystery revolving around your conception, Milord, is now not so mysterious, which is kind of a disappointment to me.
You see, we wanted your origin to be mysterious. But, anyway, you opened your heart and that must have been painful enough. I've seen Shmi's smile, too (not in person, of course), and you're right to treasure its memory.
An admirer,
Pablo
Lord Vader,
Your writing style is very unique; I feel deeply touched by your mourning. I am sorry for your mother. Good luck with the leg, those things can certainly be annoying after some time.
Yours sincerely,
Prudence
Having been born of the ether, the Great and Almighty Isorion does not know what it is like to have a mother. He was ... oddly touched when he read this entry.
Lord Vader,
Your writing skills are impressive. Most impressive.
Dear Lord Vader,
I've noticed that Sith Lords always have such wonderfully intimidating names. For instance, I've never heard of a "Darth Cuddles," "Darth Fluffy," or even a "Darth Frivolous." How do you achieve such impressive uniformity? Is there a uniform code of professional Sith conduct? A central Sith Naming Board? Or is it a less formal process?
Man, that is some heavy stuff.
saw the epIII trailer again and i gotta say annakin seemed little more human..all because of having read this blog. pretty damn good writing. keep it up!
Cheeseburgerbrown, I'd opt for the PDF version, meself!
BTW, This post for Mommie's Day is way cool, if not a little sappy. Yesterday's post, as I said was drop-dead funny!
Great job! I can think I can hear the automated breathing in the background. Fantabulous blog.
[OOC: I just caught epVI on FOX, and when Vader DOES die, all I could think of was this blog. Dude you're awesome! All the nay-sayers in the world couldn't make me feel better by ANY other way. You've truly given me a new approach to appreciating the movie. Keep up the good work.]
Lord Vader,
First of all, it is extremely nice to see the real you...from your point of view. I've often found you to be...well, one of the more realistically portrayed villians. But your side makes it even better. I've been reading it for about a week or so now...impressive.
You make me want to take up your side of things.
Just tell me...how is it that you can feel such empathy and such care for Luke and your mother, but at the same time continue to cause such destruction?
Well, with that, I'd like to say...excellent job.
Lord Vader,
It has come to the Emperor's attention that the negative comments to your blog have thinned out. Be it by winning them over, or crushing their tracheas, the Emperor wishes to congratulate you on achieving near perfect public appeal. He also wanted to know if you would make a short speech at the New Republic Extravaganza dinner. The Emperor has requested they serve those Nerf patties you like.
Yet another stormtrooper design prototype, courtesy of the emperor.
Newest Design
Vader,
What are you doing posting on a blog? You should be writing books! I'd definitely read them, I'd buy them all! You've got talent, I think you can make it!
heh, nice, nice.
free cognition
Considering Uesha's words of caution concerning tracheas, you may wish to try crushing other weak spots. Notable spots include testicles and frontal lobes...
*heavy sigh*
touched!
Hummm... the force is strong with this one it is. your mothers love is strong with in you. with love comes emotion, emotion leads humanity.. still partly human you are.. still hope for us all their is.
GCLU? WTF!?! The very Empire was formed to put an end to those whiny liberal bureaucrats and their ilk from the Old Republic.
"Equal rights," my eye! "Separation of Force and State," my left leg! (No insult intended, M'Lord) Don't these cretins know that our very own emperor is the most Force-empowered being in all Creation?! HOW DARE THEY!!
...Deep breath time... I have done a quick Google check and see now that this GCLU message could be nothing more than a hoax, a clever forgery. How could it be anything else? The last office of the GCLU met its end (along with every other living soul present), when the original Death Star destroyed Alderaan. I believe that you yourself, M'Lord, were present for this glorious event. Those slimy liberal low men deserve everything they got.
And to think, we used only the fear of war and their own Democratic institutions to defeat them in the first place and to enslave their precious huddled masses for all time.
There is a lesson here for all the ages. I shout a hearty "Bravo!" to the New Order for destroying the likes of the GCLU and making the galaxy safe for the Right-thinking, Force-fearing Patriots who made this galaxy great!!
Oh, and a Happy Mothers' Day to you, M'Lord!
This is awesome. I'm still laughing.
Darth Vader, you rock!
great blog... the only one that has ever got my attention for that matter.
Must tell you this last post for Mother's Day made me shed a tear and I wanna send the last paragraph to my Mom.
Great job without a doubt, please continue.
Wow, you seem to have a very supportive boss and staff. I myself am surrounded by a-holes!
I found that when I'm pondering my mom, or any members of my family, I like to role play with my action figures! you might give that a shot!
Cheers,
D.H.
Damb, I don't think the original script writer could have held a candle to this. The inner most secrets to the mental of Vader is not only great but is also informative.
For those that think Lord Vader is weak for these memories, just remember it was these memories and the sence of loss that started him down this path.
A Mother's Day post? From Lord Vader? I feel touched...
Not.
A mom's day tie-in: frickin' brilliant! You need a published for this story.
Have you kissed a girl yet?
Click for Joe
I do not see the parallels between this "force" and the power of psychohistory. You allow Robots, we abhor them. We have Gaia, you have... well nothing akin to Gaia that I know of.
People underestimated the power of Psychohistory and billions perished. People underestimated the power of the force, and a few million got their trachias crushed. Differant scope, differant abilities.
I'd call you a Mule if you were in our universe. But such a thing could never happen to us, so I won't even bother to calculate the odds of some non-reproducing entity that could sway the thoughts of billions of people.
--
Transmitted over Ansible and transcribed by the Encyclopedia Galactic Publishing Co., Terminus. Any content transmitted by EGP Co is exclusively the property of EGP Co and may be included in the Encyclopedia Galactica for future reference.
Makes me wish I had a Mother...
Sam X
Hey, anonymous, I think I've figured out the secret of having a cool, menacing Sith name. If you don't go for a whole word that has a violent meaning, like "maul," you take an agressive or menacing word like "invader" or "insidious," remove the "in-" from it, and there ya go. It takes a bit of work to find a good "in-" word to do this with, but it should be worth the effort.
"Dear Mommy;
I know how hard you wanted me to be happy. So I wanted to say that everyone who ever hurt you is dead, most by my own hand or will.
OK, pretty much everyone in the surrounding region of anyone who ever hurt you, is also dead.
OK, so I still have these urges to kill without provocation. But hey, I'm happy".
I wonder, would your mom really be pleased with what you have done and become?
Actually, I heard once in a spaceport bar on a dreary, rainy world in the Mid Rim that Darth Vader means "Dark Father" in some weird langauge called "German" on a backwater world called "Earth", which I'd never heard of before. I can only guess that he must have been there at some point in his career as a Jedi and taken a liking to the name. As for this Earth, it must be somewhere in the Outer Rim, but I don't have nothing by that name, either on the public star chart nor any of my special private ones.
I can shoot down that "remove the in" theory by using the words Inconscionable and Inconsiderate. You get Darth Conscionable and Darth Considerate, which would probably be laughed at by their fellow Sith.
I digress, so I egress.
-Vork
Warning: The Darth Vader's Humanity is Returning. injecting HumanlessC8 Drugs again....Accomplished. Darth Vader is Back To Normal.
This blog is SUPERB.
I gotta go watch TESB again.
This is genius.
This comment has been removed by the author.
jillster:
How about Darth Visible? Darth Stinct? Darth Nate? Darth Nocuous? Darth Nards?
That's no effort - it's easy!
this is amazing. the new trilogy has so little character developement and the acting is so wooden, but you've shown me a side of vader that i never considered before. even the sith have feelings. thank you
Lord Vader,
Your story touches us all, and therein lies the secret to your appeal. Inhuman though you may be, you display both the best and worst in humanity. Long may your experience, good and bad, teach us all about the darkness inside and the redemptive power of love.
Good luck in throwing off the shackles of the Dark Side. I have a feeling you'll make it.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Haha, Asimov again :)
Go with the PDF Cheeseburgerbrown, easier to save and distribute, don't you think?
I find very difficult to work when reading your blog! keep up!
[force determination] must not work!
Happy Mother's day mom!
Fictional?
Darth Vader?
what are you talking about?
feeling ok?
(yes, great post, very tear ripping indeed)
Lord Vader, you are definitely NOT fully gone to the Dark Side. Admit it or not, you haven't. Bless you.
Dear Mr. Darth Vader,
Eighteen standard days ago you checked out "Mothers, Sons and Messiah Myths" by Jahn Satulle. It is three days late and the penalties are starting to accrue. As it's our only copy, penalties are ten credits per day. Please return this title at your earliest convenience.
Niene
Head Librarian
Coruscant Main Library
Dear Darth,
I've always been fascinated with your character and despite the huge streak of plain viciousness and evil I've always thought there was so much more to you that met the eye.
Well thank you for validating my faith in your humanity, as little as there may be sometimes, but you really are a decent sort of chap after all. Just a bit misunderstood!
Don't forget your mum was proud of you!
Vader,
Who gave you permission to use the intergallatic intercom to send message across the universe??
This is gonna cost someone a shirt-load of credits!
Emporer you-know-who.
*hands Vader a hankie*
Dark Lord,
I bet your Shmi is proud to see that innocence is still inside you, obviously...
"The Empire will strike back, and that pitiful pocket of anarchists will be stamped out forever."
"But master, in my son they may have a new hope for the return of the Jedi."
Priceless.
"a new hope for the return of the Jedi"
Now that's uber-cheese!
Of course he is the dark lord, master and servant simultaneously, monster and tragic anti-hero at the same time. when he kills at a whim, and yet mourns the loss of his mother, is he so proud and bold as palpatine? who is the greater villain then; the killer who serves the wishes of his megolomaniac master, or the master who wishes others wantonly killed at his rather arbitrary decree? And yet, Vader's loss burns in him, the only thing that ever truly loved him save Padme, and realizing the false love of Palpatine (who only seeks to manipulate the prophecy to his own ends) of course Shmi is what he would go back again and again, the single ray of light in a unilaterraly bleak existence. In our modern times, the villains are so bland and moronically one-sided, poor clones of any flavor of the week dictator that we find our strength in and seek to emulate (but not so much as to cross THAT line, and we all should know where it is), it is a great relief that monsters are born of the human race, and feel things that we can relate to, this is what makes Darth Vader so strong and intensely powerful a character, the fallen hero, that which fulfills destiny while ostensibly betraying it. He is a monster, a psychotic killer with not only a guilt complex, but an inferiority complex!! Imagine that, the most powerful entity in the galaxy feeling inferior!! That sort of contradiction makes the last/first three episodes the Star Wars Trilogy so powerful, fantastic character development, and which falls so dreadfully short in the final/seminal chapters of the tale. Certainly, all of the peons watching love to see the cartoon/video-game like CG fluff that encompasses most of the films, and yet I seek a higher purpose, this actual writer of this BLOG is quite a talent, and should be praised for such an accurate depiction of the quintessential movie villain of the twentieth century.
Of course he is the dark lord, master and servant simultaneously, monster and tragic anti-hero at the same time. when he kills at a whim, and yet mourns the loss of his mother, is he so proud and bold as palpatine? who is the greater villain then; the killer who serves the wishes of his megolomaniac master, or the master who wishes others wantonly killed at his rather arbitrary decree? And yet, Vader's loss burns in him, the only thing that ever truly loved him save Padme, and realizing the false love of Palpatine (who only seeks to manipulate the prophecy to his own ends) of course Shmi is what he would go back again and again, the single ray of light in a unilaterraly bleak existence. In our modern times, the villains are so bland and moronically one-sided, poor clones of any flavor of the week dictator that we find our strength in and seek to emulate (but not so much as to cross THAT line, and we all should know where it is), it is a great relief that monsters are born of the human race, and feel things that we can relate to, this is what makes Darth Vader so strong and intensely powerful a character, the fallen hero, that which fulfills destiny while ostensibly betraying it. He is a monster, a psychotic killer with not only a guilt complex, but an inferiority complex!! Imagine that, the most powerful entity in the galaxy feeling inferior!! That sort of contradiction makes the last/first three episodes the Star Wars Trilogy so powerful, fantastic character development, and which falls so dreadfully short in the final/seminal chapters of the tale. Certainly, all of the peons watching love to see the cartoon/video-game like CG fluff that encompasses most of the films, and yet I seek a higher purpose, this actual writer of this BLOG is quite a talent, and should be praised for such an accurate depiction of the quintessential movie villain of the twentieth century.
ok... are you George Lucas!? Because this is really good!
Terminus..so this galaxy far far away is the same we live...millions of years..and the Force is nothing else than the remanents of the broken Gaia that humans constructed millions of years ago when the Galaxy was only inhabited by them..and droids are the pathetic remanents of robots...interesting...
Bring back the Blog !!!
Oh, Darth , come out, come out wherever our are...
Please don't kill Ben !!! I love Ben
martinez.ca said...
ok... are you George Lucas!? Because this is really good!
George Lucas wishes he could write this well. Don't get me wrong the man has genius in his own right. But this blog is extraordinarily superlative to anything he has ever written by himself, with the possible exception of Star Wars a New Hope. For those of you who didn't know Lucas co-wrote the original trilogy. Star Wars an New Hope was the only one not co-written or at least no one is cited for co-writing it. Return of the Jedi was with Lawrence Kasdan. Leigh Brackett did the Empire Strikes Back. When he got away from co-writing he came up with epI. It (in my humble opinion) was a little weak. This blog is not. It's not that I don't like the new trilogy. It just could have gone so many places and didn't. I walked away from it feeling disappointed. So hurrah for George Lucas he is a creative genius. The fight scene with yoda in epII is wicked cool. Not so many props for writing. Cheeseburger you're the man.
Bob
I am humbled
Please Make more star wars , i'm am sad and I feel empty inside
I've been up for hours past my bed time reading this awesome blog. So much for getting up early and golfing in the morning.
I can't believe this is finished it's brilliant...I wish i'd found it last year!!
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